I've known it for so long But knowing never makes it any better And though I try This right thing still feels wrong Why do I fear your head now When once it was your heart that left me trembling Our connection's concrete now So why am I more afraid of losing.... I watch him, so certain, so strong... why am I not? Why am I more afraid now that I used to be? I... I'll blame it on the hormones for now. Do you ever wake up feeling... breathless? Filled with a terrible longing for something you can't place? Desperately grasping for something at the edge of your mind... so empty without it you cry? I do. I have these dreams... I can't remember anything solid.. just blurred faces. Eyes staring from the darkness. Voices I can't understand... but I feel someone... -something- calling to me. Something tugging at my soul... and I know I MUST find it... I belong there. I feel so empty when I wake... I feel it slipping away... the comfort and serenity of these dreams... so REAL... when I wake it hurts. I ache so much to reach out and touch it... but it slides further and further away the more time passes. Its as if a bit of my soul that is missing when I am awake fuses with me in slumber... only to be ripped away again. And sometimes, when I'm out, perhaps eating or walking, I feel a sudden chill. A sense of elation. I freeze, afraid to lose the feeling. Part of me knows if I turn, there they'll be. The people from my dreams. Waiting to take me in their arms, to wrap me in that state of belonging... I don't know what triggers it... a whiff of perfume... or maybe a familiar sound... but I FEEL them... so close and in this world. REAL. Not a dream... but everytime I turn... nothing. No one. Not even a glimpse of fabric or a flash of skin. And I KNOW there won't be anyone. I tell myself that every time... yet the feeling is so CERTAIN. So SURE... my breathing stops... my muscles tense... I can't bear not to look... not to hope... *sigh* So... maybe I'm just sad...