.... I think I'm ready to explain a bit now. I've met a girl I think I could fall in love with. ...man... that sounds so much less amazing than it really is... I don't love women like that. I find them beautiful... I crush on them... Sometimes I'm even physically attracted to them... but I never fall in love with them... Ever. I can be the closest of friends, even love them... but only to a point. Never past... never "IN" love... And now... I think I've met someone who can break that rule... ... ...you'd think that would make me happy. You'd think I'd be giddy and silly like one gets when they meet someone who affects them like that... . . ..... but I'm really just sad... No, its not because she doesn't feel the same way. Supposedly she does... EXACTLY the same way... Its because I don't beleive her. *sigh* That sounds so horrible... I don't mean for it to... Let me explain... When we met she had a boyfriend. She was really happy with him. Loved him. Still does... But you know how it is when you are in a happy realtionship. Everyone from your past shows up and wants you back... And when you still have feeling for them, even little ones, it makes things hard and confusing. So her ex's just show up and start telling her how much they love her and want her back... One of these ex's happens to be my boyfriend. NO, I'm not mad at him. I knew he still loved her. I knew what would happen... but see, he has this ideal... he wants more than anything for all of us to be together. All THREE of us. Because he thinks we could be happy.... and for once he might be right... She is... well... she's great. She brings out bits of me I've really missed. And we have a lot in common.. and well... like I said... I think I could love her... But the problem is she loves her boyfriend. And she loves Goat. And she may also love this other ex... but I don't know much about him. You see the predicamint?.. So she asked her boyfriend if she could date all of us. Everyone. Both ex's, him, and me. Just date. That way she could figure out what she really wants... My problem... I know she isn't telling us all the same things. ... my love's dream is possible... maybe... but I don't think she's being honest with us... and he's going to be crushed... he's already hurt because she won't say what she wants... he knows, like I do, that she isn't telling us the same things... but he's foolish sometimes... he's hopeful... and she'll hurt him more. She says she could love me... but how can I believe her? ...you have to let old loves go to give news ones any real chance... and she won't let anyone go... I don't blame her... its hard to let someone go... what if you were wrong? What if you made the wrong choice?... but thats life. Its choices... you have to make them. If she wants to be with her boy, then she needs to let the rest go, if she wants to try... to really try... with me.... ... with any of us... she has to let the others go... *sigh* You can't learn to love someone when you're still giving your heart to someone else... Not when that old love conflicts with the new... So... you see my problem... Yeah... I'd love to finally break that wall I've been hitting for years... to love... but I know... I can't put my heart through that... when it'll just get crushed... when there isn't any real chance... I know that... and it makes me sad... I could finally be more than I've been... but at the expense of evrything I've worked to get back.... I've been hurt... broken... too many times... too severely... and if I reach past my boundries... only to be broken... I know I'll never be able to again....