Today, was hell. i got kalan porter tickets. haha. that'd be fun. and i have the alexisonfire concert on thursday. i am still kinda insecure about that one. i hope it will be ok. God, my stomach hurts. i just cut up my arm. i've gotten worse with cutting. i mean like, now, when i cut i mean it. like it bleeds alot and i just love it. it's beautiful. beautiful, god im a freak. i am going to redo the cutting info thing. see how i've grown. and i really have. lately i've been feeling, so disguisting. so useless. i mean. so many things would be better without me. so many things. i just step out infront of a car, and think, kill me. or a dig a blade into my wrist, and think, let me die. I think sometimes, i'm seriously a mental case. i need serious help. anyone who cuts into themselve isn't stable. but then i think, well, this IS what keeps me sane. the cutting is what i have to do to fake the smile so well. I flipped out today @ my parents. for seriously no reason. i just snapped, and smashed the remote, and just screamed and kicked, and i just felt my self becoming what i was maybe 2 years ago, and it scares me. because 2 years ago i won't cut this bad, and if i combine it together. then im fucked. i am talking to my friend becky about razor therapy. i go through so many emotions after it. im really angry, then really happy, then really sad, then(sometimes) regret, then i feel diguisting. i know i know i'm crazy. well im not good @ multitasking, so ill type later...