Haven't written in here in a bit. lots has happened. my sister was in another car accident. this one was more serious. she tore her spleen, and bruised her kidney. Scary how close she came. I guess this kind of brought my family together. her boyfriend is still being a dick fuck. i really dislike him. i didn't before. i also pity him. fucking drama queen. i didn't go to school today or yesterday. i just really don't feel like doing anything, so my mom is going to take me to a crazy doctor to see what the fuck is wrong with me. God give me peace of mind. i'm so tired of this mind full of fears and anxiety. Let me find peace, so i can be alone and forget that void in my heart. Give me back that part of me that kept me sane. i'm sick of being a prisoner of my mind. We are going to the hospital again tomorrow. On a stupider and less important note. i asked Ryan to a movie. he said if he had money he would. that's like a no right? theres no good in that. i'm stupid. i'm hoping he has the money, and i'm hoping he doesn't. As soon as he sees me, it's over. he won't talk to me again ever. Because i'm disguisting. i should just have a bullet in my head. I found a new band that i like "the spill canvas."...my new fav song is all hail the heartbreaker, by the spill canvas i'm going to put purple streaks in my hair. i have red hair and Becky said it looks really good. i hope it does, and i hope it doesn't fuck up my hair. i just want to have something. Here's my plan, since my school is a fucktard. I'm going to get a outline of a heart, black, on my wrist on my 16th birthday. then the summer after gr 11, i'm going to get my lip pierced. that way, it can heal. i know it's SO far away, but that's how it's going to go. I'm failing math. i'm going to have to take it over. most of me doesn't really give a shit. i know i'll fail before i even try. I'm done writing. my hands are hurting for some reason. it's just somewhat comfortable. I guess it's sanity that tortures this poet