im so torn, like my mood says. am i an idiot for doing this. being a stupid slut? or is it just play. is he gunna think less of me because of it? or realize he wants to be with me? i don't know what i'm doing anymore. the things he makes me do. i feel like a slut. but i mean, i didnt really do anything slutty. i just mean, i feel like he's just using me and leading me on. and he probably is. he wants a friends with benefits type thing. is this going to hurt me more? or many am i going to get over him by doing this. I'm such a retard. ugly whore. god i'm so desperate. why? well no guy has wanted to be with me before. so i fell, hard. didn't i? or am i just trying to hold on to the whole 'having a boyfriend' thing. do i even like his personality? i mean. do i even like him? WHY AM I ALLOWING HIM TO DO THIS TO ME? i even told him. "no i dont hate you, and that's what fucking pisses me off. i can't hate you. i can't get you out of my fucking mind and you don't care at all" i don't know what to do. i am so stupid. i should try and move off cept i can't even think about anyone or is that because i don't know anyone else. omg. i need help. and i have no one to talk too. everyone thinks im a retard. for talking to him. for liking him. i can't talk to anyone. they all judge me. i can see it in their faces "why is she still putting up with him" I DONT KNWO! god im only 15, and im acting like this was some important relationship. wasn't really. other then the fact hes the first guy who i liked that became my boyfriend. lol. and i just want to hate him so much. now i understand that three days grace song. Intoxicated the edge is serrated, so easily torn from the core I blushed the first time, but you blushed the last time my eyes in your mind Regenerated these feelings of hatred, I long for your love evermore You built me up and you broke me down this time