Yes, so today was totally shitty. well most parts of it were. My parents are stupid and we did all of our stupid christmas shopping in One God Damn Day horrible isn't it? we are so incredibly unorganised. i'm not at all excited about christmas. i think it's a stupid holiday, i mean who even remembers the reason why we are getting presents. sure they know, oh that guy was born. but what - fucking - ever. I woke up today and just hid under my covers and cried thing are getting worse and i am not sure what to do. i promised myself No cutting today or tomorrow let's see if i can follow through. My friends are being so distant lately. i barely talk to them anymore. I don't know what to do. i'm so lost. so many things going through my head and so little answers. what am i going to do? i remember when i used to be happy about christmas. i think this is the first year i am actually dreading it. I guess it's loneliness that tortures this poet.