It's been forever since I've updated this! I wonder if anyone checks this anymore? Anyways, a lot has happened since I last updated this. For one thing, I now have a boyfriend and it's not Tyler. It's Greg. The nice part about this, he's actually interested in me, and he's been good to me. He's very positive and optimistic, I really benefit from hanging around this kind of person. He believes in me, and he believes in himself - that's refreshing in some ways when compared to some of the friendships I've had over the years - as my mom puts it "you've had lots of friends that you were good for, but not very many that were good for you." Other people's attitudes really off on me for some reason, so I have to be careful. Greg wants me to join him in Washington for graduate school next year, I'm not sure if I will or not though - if I had to decide today I would though. This brings me to the biggest downside to this relationship - it's long distance (though I've seen longer distance relationships more or less work out...). I do miss him, but sometimes I worry that I don't feel as passionate about this as I ought to. Maybe I'm just afraid of getting too attached to people - but we'll see. This year is going to be very interesting, I have a boyfriend, I'm a senior, and I'm IWA president - who'd a thought I'd ever be president of anything back in high school and below? Okay, some of my middle school teachers had a lot of faith in me, but at the time I certainly didn't. I guess, that's something I need to work on. I also need to get over my over the top social phobias, it can be so difficult just to initiate things with people sometimes. I also need to make sure the IMA doesn't show IWA up on preparedness - this means I need to stop waiting for my council to be formed and start planning with our without them! Wish me luck! Hope you're all well! ~Amyelk Out

I can go around outside without my coat again! You have no idea how happy this makes me! If I weren't LDS, I'd so worship the sun or trees or something! Let's see, a lot has been happening lately, mostly happy stuff luckily. I've been so depressed for the last couple of years, so this is a very nice change of pace. I feel very blessed. I recently figured out that if I had been born in the middle ages that I probably would've become an Anchoress. An anchoress is like a nun, only one step further. Not only have they been through the marriage ceremony but they've had their death rites, or whatever they're called, as well. They spend all their time reading and comtemplating scriptures and their visions. The reason why I think I'd do this, after going on pilgrimage if I could swing it of course, is because I've been thinking that it would be great to be paid to daydream and -lo- here is the medieval version of what I'd like to do! I had a blast on Thursday playing wallyball at our Institute Women's Association combined activity with the Institute Men's Association. I've also started building up some backlog for a webcomic that I plan to start publishing on the net sometime in the coming weeks. It's actually a webcomic that I'm doing in preparation for the another webcomic whose storyline I actually care about quite a bit. I want to make sure I can do a decent job making a comic before I start it. Unfortunetly, I seem to only be able to finish one comic a week a thus far. That may be because I'm still figureing out color schemes for my characters and how to do decent backgrounds. I'm going to "Othello" on the 20th! I'm pretty excited about it too! I haven't seen it before but I've heard about it, and it is Shakespear, thus as an English major I should see it and understand it! I also discovered Napter recently and decided to subscribe to it for a month or so, see if I like it. So far it's nice. $10 a month for just about all the music downloads that you could ever want. Unfortunetly, I can't get the music to work on my MP3 player, apparently it's too old and they don't off the driver for it on Napster. Maybe I can convince my parent's to get me one that it does support for my next birthday, will see. It's a long ways away though. Well, this has been a fluffy entry. I suppose it does give some insight to the type of person I am. Or at least records my life. ~Amyelk Out

It's seems that during the last end of high school I started to observe and analize life instead of experiencing it. It really isn't the best way to be. I guess I'm trying to figure out how to get back into experiencing life again, or perhaps I'm waiting for something to happen that will force me to experience life again instead of just observing. I've got a five personality profile due on Thursday and I have no idea what questions I'm going to ask. I haven't even talked to the person who I'm going to interview yet and it's due tuesday. Part of the problem is that she's new and I'm having problems finding her name on the school's websight! I'm sure I'll find it, somehow. I think I finally figured why I made an effort to contact Tyler. It's simply that I'm emotionally unresolved over him and I need resovle. This is difficult to get with him being on an entirely different continent. Then again, maybe if he stopped writing to me all together that might create emotional resolve for me because then I would know that he didn't want to be me around for certain. As is, I don't know if he wants to be my friend, or even if I want to be his because I don't know him all that well. I haven't heard from him in a while. Perhaps I will get emotional resolve from this. Hmm, I don't know. A part of me still adores him, as unsensible as that may seem. I want to believe in him and me, but I think our senses of humour amoung other things may be too different. I just don't know. It's not like I can pull too much on him right after he gets home either since he'll probably be in the return missionary bubble for a while. Unless he extends, he'll probably be back in June, I think I can start pulling stuff to get this resolve by Christmas break next year. Almost a year to go. I can wait. Waiting for his next letter may be killing me, but I can wait. I may get impaitient, but I CAN wait. ~Amyelk Out

So, the ward held the Spring Dance tonight - and I had a great time. They set everyone up with an escort - they let people who are in a relationship request their partner of course - and they brought in guys to fill the gender gap in the ward. It was very fun! I got a lot of compliments on my dress - someone told me that I had the cutest dress in the room and that people were talking about it. The set it up so that you would end up dancing with a lot of different partners - they gave us a card, kind of like they did in girl scouts and would tell us to find other people with a certain card to dance with. They also had open dances, girls' choice dances, and line dances. The only draw back was that this one guy who has been stalking me for a while a continued to do so - I'm not sure if he likes me, or if he's just trying to mess with my head. Either way, it is so not attractive. A part of me is worriied about the number of pictures he took of me - I really hope he didn't fill up a whole roll of me. He reminds me of Tim from high school who really made me feel dehumanized by the way he treated me - same thing here - I feel dehumanized - although dehumanized probably isn't quite the right word due to the other connotations that are associated with it - these guys weren't trying to kill me after all - it just makes me feel like an pet or a doll. Tim went as far as to call me "Sarah-dog" - I heard once that the name for a female dog is a cuss word and it rhymes with witch - this particular word also means malicious, spiteful, or overbearing woman (thank you Webster!). Some how I doubt that he realized exactly what he was calling me by implying that I was a female dog, he wasn't that smart, but who knows and who cares? I have to be at church early tomorrow for choir, so I'm going to get ready for bed. ~Amyelk Out

I'll probably end up eating my words in a few months, but I think that the Presidential election is going to come down to Obama and McCain and that Obama will win. I've noticed that people seem more interested in the Democrats race than in the Republicans for one thing(of course that could be because I'm at Westminster, possibly the liberal school in the state), plus McCain isn't nearly as good as raising money for his campaign as Clinton and Obama have been and typically the person who spends the most on the election wins (or so I've heard). Clinton has almost as much cash on hand as McCain ever had. I wouldn't mind that outcome, I prefer Obama to Clinton for one thing, and I've heard that McCain is weird from a guy who heard it from some of Utah's Senators. So, McCain might be a little off in the head... perhaps worse than Bush... but less conservative than Bush most likely because John Kerry asked him to run as his Vice President (check his bio on his full profile on CNN.com if you don't believe me). If McCain is smart/lucky he will get Romney to run with him for the financial backing, but I don't think that's going to happen because Romney wants to run again later on, so he'll want to save for that. It'll be interesting to see how things turn out in November. ~Amyelk out

I'm not done with papers, I'm done with romance for a while. Simply, I've had enough of the whole one sided interest thing - and that's all I've ever gotten! So, I'm just going to wait for some random guy to decide that I'm interesting or whatever and then I'll reconsider romance if he wishes to persuade me to. Other wise, I'm fine just being friends. ~Amyelk Out

I don't like writing papers. I just really don't. I put them off and I put them off, and I just don't like them! Ugh! The bad thing is, I'm an ENGLISH major. I'm also not all that good at it... it also doesn't help that I'm a slow reader... hmmm now what? ~Amyelk Out

As an English major with a Computer Science minor it is difficult to find others who are in my same situation. Surprisingly, I managed to find the perfect t-shirt for me - almost. Sadly it doesn't come in my size. Here's the link: Shakespeare. ~Amyelk Out

I can't believe I left this blog alone for so long. Gah! I had comments to answer too and didn't, but it's been so long that I'm not sure it's even relevant any more... I'm glad this semester is almost over - I'm ready for a long break, but I still have a ways to go before I get that break. Updates: I'm now an official English major with a Computer Science minor. I'm convinced that I'm a psychotic female now that I look back at what happened between Tyler and I, particularly over the last little while. In brief: end of September it looks like him and Chersti are going to get get together from what they were doing on facebook. This hurts me a lot, so I end all contact with both of them and send him a note explaining why I did what I did and apologize for my weakness essentially. I spend all October wondering if he read the note or not because of how I worded it/ fearing running into him. Fall break go to Kayley's branch see him, feel really bad for what happened/ feel bad for more or less ignoring him there. So I sent him a note inquiring if he read my note or not. He writes back and wants to know what he did wrong. I write back re-explain that it was because I like him too much for my own good - I could've been happy to see other guys get in a relationship but not him etc. Get to a point where I'm not going to ignore him but I'm not going to get to close to him either. I think he understands now and won't try to get too close to me again. He told me repeatedly that he doesn't want to get into a serious relationship at the moment through out this - I never asked too. I tend to think that he just doesn't like me and that he's too polite to say so. I'm just trying to put an end to this emotion. I'm trying to expand my horizons and date around more - but it hasn't happened so far - I just want to get to know more people. I feel better about this situation now in many ways. ~Amyelk Out

*edit: dang it all, it didn't save it after I made all my lovely commentary - well, those who know should be able to pick out a lot of what is wrong with this description with out my aid* First of all, sit-d is working right again and I can log in again! Woo - hoo! Secondly, Kayley, I'm sorry for the entry flip and for the content of some of the earlier messages. Now to ripping on astrology. I found this chart the web that is suppose to be pretty good, it asked for the date, time, and the place of my birth. Here is what it said about me, with some commentary by me in parenthesis. By the way I pretty sure that I put in the right time for my birth, I'm off by 3 hours max, but I'm pretty sure I got it right. site can be found here: http://www.alabe.com/freechart/ October 10 1987 3:32 AM Time Zone is MDT Logan, UT Rising Sign is in 28 Degrees Leo You love to be the center of attention and you want to appear strong, confident and dominant. You are very proud of yourself, sometimes quite vain even. When all around you are bedraggled and falling apart, you look like a million bucks! Very dignified and honorable, you enjoy the power and privilege, but not the responsibilities, that come with leadership. You are very idealistic but can also be quite stubborn. Others impress you only if they have integrity (but wealth, power and influence can also turn your head). You prefer rich, elegant surroundings and possessions, and will try to acquire them as your budget allows. Physically, you are very impressive - - at your best you have a regal, charismatic demeanor and bearing. Try not to be such a showoff! Sun is in 16 Degrees Libra. Very sociable, you enjoy being with others and definitely prefer not be alone. Warm and affectionate, you go out of your way to make others like you. You despise ugliness, for you being surrounded by beauty and harmony is a necessity of life. You prefer fine clothing, an attractive home and pleasant surroundings wherever you are. Your refined tastes apply to music and to art as well. At times, you are very indecisive you waver and falter when forced to make a choice because you have the ability to see both sides of any question. The positive part of this is that you are very fair-minded and can be trusted to settle disputes. Your greatest challenge is to take any one- on-one encounter and make the most of it. Moon is in 27 Degrees Taurus. Warmth, comfort, security and familiar surroundings are necessary for you to feel at ease. Very loving and affectionate, you prefer a steady, patterned way of life. Patient, calm and steadfast, you are not easily upset. Others look to you for support. You tend to be a slow starter and a slow mover -- others may try to rush you, but they will never succeed. Emotionally, you are quite stubborn -- your attitudes about people and things were firmly set in your youth and will change very little as an adult. You are also very cautious and conservative about spending money. It is not that you are selfish, you just need to feel secure. Beware of a tendency to become overly complacent and too self-satisfied. Mercury is in 11 Degrees Scorpio. You are a born investigator. You are fascinated by secrets and mysteries and unanswered questions of any kind. When you become upset or angry, your emotional reactions are overpowering -- reason and logic disappear in an uncontrollable passionate outburst. You tend to keep your thoughts secret and bottled up and this makes others regard you with suspicion. It is not that you are trying purposely to be evasive, it is just that you would rather not deal with the explosions and hassles that often occur when you reveal your true feelings and opinions. Your sense of humor tends toward sarcasm and irony. Venus is in 29 Degrees Libra. A very friendly and outgoing person, you hate to be alone. Beware of a continuing tendency to compromise yourself in order to avoid being lonely. Try to be yourself, not what others would like you to be. You have an innate desire to be in refined and elegant surroundings and will go out of your way to create a plush and comfortable atmosphere around you. You have heightened aesthetic sensibilities and are attracted to music and the arts. Try to avoid using your well-known seductive charm in order to get out of doing what you consider to be dirty work! Mars is in 01 Degrees Libra. You are very aware of the need to cooperate with others in order to further any effort. You are usually willing to compromise with others, although you can be quite competitive in a friendly way. Very fair- minded and impartial, you have the ability to sense injustice and the desire to take corrective actions to make proper compensations. You see both sides of issues and questions, but you tend to be undecided or wavering when forced to make choices that might make you vulnerable or unpopular. Jupiter is in 25 Degrees Aries. The way that you grow and develop is by being an uncompromising individualist. You have a great need to be yourself and to explore your latent talents and abilities. Do not be afraid to let yourself go and develop self-confidence and pride in your accomplishments. But try not to become so self-centered that you ignore the needs of others. Also, you may have to build up your self-discipline in order to focus your energies properly. Saturn is in 16 Degrees Sagittarius. Basically quite conservative, you respect traditional authority figures and are very thankful and supportive of the laws and institutions which govern your life. You learn and accept new ideas only after having very thoroughly examined them. Ideals and abstract concepts are important to you only if they can be used in some practical fashion. You are so practical and so orderly that you have natural skills in planning, administrating and organizing. Uranus is in 23 Degrees Sagittarius. You, and most of your peers, have the tendency to think that all ideas, customs and traditions from the past are outmoded and irrelevant. You are attracted to radically new ideas, philosophies and religions that will, hopefully, cause sweeping changes throughout the world. Neptune is in 05 Degrees Capricorn. You, and your entire generation, will idealize work, practicality and the ability to attain reasonable goals. But, because you will also stress the need to be selfless and giving, you may find it difficult to attain your goals unless you have lowered your expectations on all fronts. Pluto is in 08 Degrees Scorpio. For your entire generation, this is a period of intense research and discovery in areas that were heretofore considered mysterious, remote or taboo. The root causes for many complex occurrences will be unearthed due to the intensity and thoroughness of the search. N. Node is in 02 Degrees Aries. You're at your most comfortable when involved in group activities outside of your immediate family circle. You delight in getting involved with others in neighborhood civic or political activities, especially if you can be a part of the leadership of the group. Your zeal and overabundant energy bring out your real creativity when you can work toward tangible results -- things that will immediately benefit those around you. You have a real gift for getting the most out of charity drives and community benefits. Take time out between projects though, because you tire out easily and your effectiveness becomes greatly diminished when your energy is depleted. Also, don't even think of trying to get involved at a peripheral level -- you need a total commitment to feel personally fulfilled. Let others bake the cookies and set up the chairs -- you should be the one to tell everyone what to do and when to do it!

Edit: Okay, things aren't as bad as they could be- friend finder apparently uses e-mail addresses to connect people and not anything else. I'll leave the rest though just for kicks. It's good to know how one reacts in such a panicked situation. *** He's back, I just saw that he and this one girl are now friends on facebook. My name probably would have come first in the friend finder. He must be avoiding me. I bet he didn't know that I'd find out this was. I'm having a bit of a rough moment. It'll pass. I was doing so well this week. I had hardly though about him, nor had I gotten depressed over him, and I'd talked to other guys. I suppose I have my answer now for certain. Perhaps I'll quit that social networking site until I can handle him and her in my newsfeed - but never just him because he didn't request to be my friend, and my name would've been first on the list in the friend finder assuming he looked for people who went to our high school. I'm gonig to be tough though. I have the Lord to turn to, and family and friends if need be. I'm an Amazon, and Amazons don't need men in order to be happy. One of the first character's that I gave the name Amyelk to was an ambidextrous sword woman. I'm going to try to be like that. Besides, I never knew him that well, the person I liked was never real, I've suspected this all along, I just couldn't figure out how to reighn in my emotions at the time. Now I have a better idea of how I can accomplish this, and I WILL accomplish this. I have faith to do this, with the Lord's help all things are possible. ~Amyelk Out

I have a really dumb problem; I don't know what flirting is. The reason why this is a problem is because I don't know how to handle myself around the boyfriends of my friends. You see, even though I know that even if I did end up flirting with said guys it wouldn't cause them to fall for me because I'm sure that none of them are interested in me, I just don't want to accidentally cause a problem by looking like I'm going after them. This would make my friend mad for obvious reasons. Also, I'm not romantically interested in any of these guys. So I have no desire to make them think I'm interested. Okay, so I did think that one of them - Greg who is going out with Anna - was cute and I had a very minor crush on him for a while, but since I reconnected with Tyler that crush has died. Also, I'm not that attracted to Tyler any more - yes I still think about him more than I should but I've cooled off a lot. I like Greg and think it would be neat to be friends with him because he - like Bob and Steve K. - is constantly coming up with crazy ideas and I appreciate that in a person. Unfortunately, I don't know how to interact with him anymore because I don't know where the acceptable interaction line is. So, I act very coldly around him because I don't know what to do - this is the way that I usually act around people who I don't know how to interact with. This is mean of me though. I just wish I knew a better alternative than acting cold. ~Amyelk Out

Why is that every time I find out about a new couple, even when it's a couple who I've been predicting would get together for a while, get together or start getting to get together I feel a little sad? I'm usually not even interested in the guy in the couple. Although the one time that I was interested in a guy who I think got in a relationship with this one girl it sunk me into a deep depression. It just doesn't make any sense. I have other interests in my life. I do not need a guy. Am I envious? Covetous? I'm happy for them really. Although when you compare the definitions of envy and jealousy it looks like I may be envious but not jealous. The difference is that with jealousy you think that the other person doesn't desearve what they and that someone else (often yourself) should have it- please note that this does include intangible. Enbvy is that you merely want what the other person has Envy Definition with comparison to jealousy. I feel better now. I need to get to sleep pronto because I have a lot to do tomorrow. ~Amyelk

but I am still alone. There's no one around who I'm really interested in though. Still, it would be nice to be in a relationship for once. I've never been in one. Perhaps I'm not emotionally ready for one. Perhaps I'm to dull too be in one. Too shy? Or maybe I'm too picky. That could be it. Then again, people really don't date at Westminster. Ah well. C'est le vi. Easter was good. Saw the fam. Got a few books from "Mr. E. Bunny." One of which is "The Tough Guide to Fantasyland" by Diana Wynne Jones. I like it alot. It points out a lot fantasy cliches in a funny manner. For example, the entry for Dark Lady is "There is never one of these- so see DARK LORD instead. The Management considers that male Dark Ones have more potential to be sinister, and seldom if ever employs a female in this role. This is purely because the Management was boorn to late to meet my Great Aunt Clara." I would highly recommend this book as it is good for a few laughs and is helpful in avoiding fantasy cliches. What's sad is, I can recognize a lot of the things that she talks about in books or movies that I've seen. ~Amyelk Out

I just thought that this was worthy of note. You know that something fishy is going on in a group when the computer science major writes the report and teh english major edits the photographs in photoshop; this is exactly what happened in my basic biology class. Wierd huh? ~Amyelk

It's at moments like these that I wonder if I've picked the right major. I'm suppose to be doing a service learning project for english. While dong this I found out about a volunteer project that involved helping to design a website for Brolley Arts. It sounded so interesting. Unfortunetly, they don't want help developing the content from what I can tell. Maybe I can help there as well as do my service learning project elsewhere... ~Amyelk Out

It's been a long time since I've written here. I'm just going through school as usual, finding out that I have to put more effort into my classes if I actually want to get an "A," waiting for maintenece to come back and finish fixing my sink in the hall so that I can put my towels in the cuboard under it again instead of having them in random places in my room. Also, I'm trying to work through my rooming delemma, I'm wanted in two different places at the moment. My current room mates couldn't get the four person apartment that they wanted, so now they're asking me to move into a five person apartment with them so that they don't get stuck with a psycho. I've already made plans to go across the hall though and be with Char and them guys. Nissa wants me to see if they could easily find someone to replace me over there since she can't find someone else to fill their fifth room. Too much stress. I have a test on monday, I have to find out where I'm doing my service, and a week from monday I need to turn in my big research paper. Oh joy. Paragraphs? Proper capitalizations? Spelling? Who needs them. I'm going to go live in the woods. ~Amyelk Out

I want to rove from city to city. To have nothing tying me down to one place. I'd like to start a web business with my trustee laptop, Heidegger, who would have a fake leaf atatched to his cover. I'd recruit a bunch of other We'd settle in a city that we like for a while. Then when we got bored, we'd pile back into our van, Calliope, and off we'd go. Like that would ever work. I don't even have the laptop, and I don't know any English majors who would be willing to do this with me, let alone ask me to do something with them. ~Amyelk Out

Well, this has been a stressful day. I had an English paper to turn in today that I wasn't entirely satisfied with. Oh well, it's done at least. You see, I was a very bad girl during the break and left my homework to the last minute, and I don't do homework on Sundays, although it is very tempting at times. My mom guilts me into not doing homework on Sundays. She says it's 'bad' and breaking the Sabbath and that I'm just justifying doing homework on Sundays. Other Mormons do it, it's not like drugs or anything like that. Other Mormons don't do it too. *sigh* religion debates. You know, some Mormons don't eat refined sugar! I think that's nuts! Especially when it's served at church functions. On a happier note, my plant seems to be recovering from spring break. I'm surprised, I thought I'd killed it for sure, the poor little thing. I keep debating whether I've really picked the right major or if I should shift it to my minor. The problem is, if I didn't major in English, what would I major in? Some kind of science, or art possibly. For some strange reason I've been looking for an excuse to paint my skin blue lately. I just think that I would look great with blue skin for some reason. There's a Sci-fi/ Fantasy con coming up sometime. Maybe I'll do it for that just because I can get away with it. Or maybe not, the only character that I can think of that has blue is Bob from "Reboot" and I'm not willing to dress up as a guy. Even though my eye color is perfect for dressing up as said character. ~Amyelk Out

This is the highlight of your Valentines Day: This is from a rather sophomoric game site... I really don't mind it though. It's a very materialistic holiday anyway, just another way for the stores to make a profit. The second highlight of today was when I bought a card for my parents at the book store the cashier gave me a free bag of "Kissables" and gave me the card at a discount. Third highlight, Zach, Leah's Boyfriend, called to me across the Rez Village. It's just nice to have someone shout to you some times. Those two are a fairly good match. Zach is a hopeless flirt though. More so than Leah. ~Amyelk Out