It's just lust and my need to fill the void that Tyler left. The void that every guy leaves when I realize that nothing will come between us. So my emotions go out and find a new guy to hang all over, and I, I keep my space from the said guy like some fearful high student, leaving him to wonder why I try not to get too close to him and won't look at him. It's kind of funny how I'm the opposite of guys on this issue. So many guys will just sit there and stare at the girl that they like, while I avoid them at all costs. Leaving them to think that they've offended me or something. When it's not them who has offended me, it's girls like Chersti and Megan who influenced me to be fearful of intimacy, because they hurt me when I was intimate with them in a friendship situation. I'm a wall builder at heart really. I throw up walls between myself and other people to keep myself from being hurt. Sometimes this makes me look cold, stuck up, and fake. A part of me doesn't mind that, if they think I'm stuck up, they won't see my weaknesses and try to manipulate me. At the same time I hate this "tough" facade because virtually nobody knows the real me. Not even I know the real me at times. I just wish my emotions wouldn't go running around all over the place when I want to focus on school and what not. ~Amyelk Out