I keep telling myself that's what I need to do. Yet I haven't managed to do that yet. Why can't I move on? He has another girl. He's on his mission. There's virtually no way that I can contact him because I don't know where he is! I've tried googling his name, and the four entries that come up don't say anything about his mission or where he is. I’d put his name here so that you can Google it for yourself, but with so few results, someone who knows him and me is bound to find this blog, which I don’t want to happen. Even if I could contact him, it wouldn't be appropriate to do so because he's out on his mission! You just don't do the relationship thing while you're out on your mission. Yet knowing that I've lost him, probably for good since he'll go to the same school as that girl is going when he gets back, is slowly killing me. Sure, I still have my happy times. I just keep coming back to this sorrow. Perhaps, I just like being sad? What is wrong with me? What am I doing wrong? What am I not doing? I'm not moving on, that's for sure what I'm not doing. Why am I not moving on? Simple, I had an emotional attraction toward him, not just a physical attraction like I had for most of the others. That is what made this time different. I hope that next time I see him, if I ever see him again, that I will find that my emotional attraction toward him dead and buried. I bet that if I had talked to my friends about him more, rather than feigning disinterest, that they would've told me to go after him before he got with that other girl. I guess that is what I'll have to do next time. Sometimes friends are there to help you be realistic and to help you see what is actually within your grasp. Problem is, I don't really have any super close friends anymore. I became depressed in high school and pushed most of them away. Sometimes when you hurt yourself, you hurt others to. I believe that I did that last year in high school. Hopefully I won't do that again in college. As an intuitive type I sometimes miss out on the details, and sometimes when I get depressed I lose my grip on reality. Most of the time I have a lot of common sense, and I frequently come up with new ideas when I'm in a group that work well most of the time. It's just when I get very depressed that everything goes downhill. I still cry about him sometimes. ~Amyelk Out