I think I just want someone to love me, or at least like me in a special way for once. I'm sick of being the 'tag-a-long' and 'the third wheel'. Sick of people constantly coming to my room for my room mate, and never for me. I guess I'm not that interesting. I don't have a best friend. I don't have a lover. At least I have my parents, but somehow I find myself wishing for someone outside my family to like me in a special way. I'm sick of all these shallow pointless friendships. When it comes to friendships I'm the secondary friend, the back up, for once I'd like to be first. I don't have much in common with the group. There more girly girls than I am for the most part, and those who aren't are into sports which most of the rest of them are into. My real problem is that I want, what I don't know how to get, because I don't think its out there for me right now, and that I keep finding myself wallowing in self pity. Maybe I've just errected too many barriers. Maybe it's because I won't reach out to people because I know to do so is to be manipulated and hurt later on. Maybe I just don't get girls, problem is I don't really get guys either. What's with all the concern over appearances anyways? Sure, I try to look good and clean, but why be so insecure, why cry over having to cut you fingernails so that you can get contacts? Why be all that concerned over ones weight? Many of the girls on my floor are like that. Exercising is cool, but it doesn't need to be all we talk about. I guess girls just annoy me sometimes. I'm feeling better now. I just, wish I had someone who I was close to. Not just a distant or secondary friend. ~Amyelk