Just tell me how to be different in a way that makes sense. To make things all go away. And disappear. I know that’s wrong because it’s my responsibility, and I know that things get worse before they get better. I walk around the school hallways and I look at the people. I look at the teachers, and I wonder why they’re here. If they like their jobs. Or us. And I wonder how smart they were when they were fifteen. Not in a mean way. In a curious way. It’s like looking at all the students and wondering who’s had their heart broken that day. And how they are able to cope with having 3 quizzes and a book report on top of that. Or wondering who did the heartbreaking. And wondering why. Especially since I know that if they went to another school, the person who got their heart broken who have had their heart broken by someone else. So why does it have to be so personal? It’s a lot easier not to know things sometimes. Things change. And friends leave. Life doesn’t stop for anybody. I wanted to laugh. Or maybe get mad. Or just shrug at how strange everyone was, including me. I think the idea is that everyone has to live his or her own life and then make the choice to share it with other people. You can’t just sit there puting everybody’s lives in front of your own and think that counts as love. You just can’t. You have to do things. I’m going do what I want to do. I’m going to be who I really am. And I’m going find out what that is. And we could all sit around and wonder and feel bad about each other and blame a lot of people for what they did or didn’t do or didn’t know. I don’t know. I guess there could always be someone to blame. It’s just different. I guess it’s good to put things in perspective, but sometimes, I think the only perspective is to really be there. Because it’s okay to feel things. And be who you are about them.