So I guess that's how it's gonna be now. He doesn't read this anymore so whatever, I don't care what I say on here. I guess we're saying as little as possible to eachother. I don't know what he hopes to accomplish from that. But oh well. I guess I was fooling myself thinking that he ever really loved me. I was such an idiot for him. Seriously, I would have given almost anything for that boy. But I guess that's what you get for trusting people. I'm not saying we have to be best friends. I just want us to be able to talk and laugh together. But he doesn't seem to want anything to do with me. Jordi confuses me. She's been really nice to me since school started. One part of me wants to be like "FUCK YOU" because she pretty much stabbed me in the back. And majorly lied to me. Another part of me wants to say forget it and just let her do her own thing while I do mine. But then there's this part of me that really wants to be friends again. We had SO much fun when we were friends. We talked about everything, we were Soulmates/Twins. She was always the pretty and funny one. Still is. And I miss our friendship. But I don't feel like I should be the one to apologize, at least not initiate the apologizing, because if I do that I'll feel like (if she apologizes back) that it would be just like a "i'll apologize but i don't really mean it" type thing. I don't know. I'm confused in my head and in my heart. And that's not even considering if SHE wants to be MY friends again. I highly doubt it. I don't fucking know. I miss James. Fuck I miss him. It's fucking ridiculous. He's flying back for my birthday, so it's like 23 days until I see him again, but that's like an eternity considering we saw eachother everyday this summer. And just considering my day doesn't seem complete until I see him. Fuck me. I fell so hard. I realy thought it would be a LONG time after Kiefer before I found some one else. But he's perfect for me. And I miss him like crazy.