What the hell am I doing? What was I thinking? I'm only fifteen. I'm fifteen for God sakes. What was I THINKING??? This isn't something that I want, I don't want this. Not like this. Not now. It shouldn't be like this. It should be innocent. I should be innocent. I want things back to how they were in thie beginning- nothing, zippo, nada. But how can I go back? THat's not what he wants, and I know it. But I just... can't. I can't do it. I thought I was ready... but I'm really not. I'm not. I can't handle this. I'm fifteen. Things shouldn't be at the level they are. But I don't want to disappoint him. Or let him down. But I fell like I've let myslef down. I mean, I made so many promises to myself as a little girl, that I intended to keep, and I just went and broke them like they're meaningless. My promises to other people mean so much to me, but I can just go break the ones I made to myself like they're nothing? THat's not how it should be. Tat's not who I want to be. I want to be sure of myself, comfortable with who I am, secure. But I'm not. Not when it's like this. It's too soon. It's always gonna be too soon for me I think. At least for a while. It's all my fault. I made a mistake. But "...Mistakes are lessons of wisdom. The past cannot be changed. The future is yet in your power." -Hugh White