So yeah, it happened. Ross is going back to England soon. He emailed me saying he had something to tell me. I knew straight away what it was. I tried convincing myself it was something else... but I knew. Truth is, i know him too damn well. He's going to give things a shot with Paula. *sigh* He's doing the right thing... and i guess i'm happy for him, but it still hurts. Always will. I think what makes it slightly better is the fact that ages ago he told me that if we were both standing in front of him, he'd pick me. And our friendship is great right now. He told me, for once he told me, so that makes me feel good. I just... i guess i don't want to lose the good friendship we have now... and i know that usually whenever he gets a girlfriend we take steps back in our friendship. It's normal i guess. I can still tell he cares though. And he's saying he cares, in his own little way. So that's a good thing. Who knows. Even he's not too sure this'll work out... but somehow that thought doesn't comfort me. They went through all these months apart, and something is still alive between them, that has to mean something. I hate it how i am so damn smart when it comes to these things, and i'm always right. I'm guessing this relationship will last a while. A few months... if not longer. I see it being like his relationship with Rachael, maybe even longer. It's stupid... but I realised his birthday is coming up... I can't even do something special about it... because he'll have a girlfriend, and that'll just be wrong... he always has a girlfriend on his birthday, how unfair. =P Oh well... i just need to be happy for him... and try and keep our friendship alive. I still care about him... and despite wondering at times whether i'm attracted to him physically, i'm pretty much attracted to him in every other way possible. *sigh* He's Ross. I know him so well....