I feel so helpless... and yet, i'm trying my best for everyone and I may not make everyone happy. Actually, I won't make everyone happy. It's impossible. On one side there's Mike, and on the other there's Mariana. Obviously I want to go see Mike more than I want Mariana to come here. Not because of who they are but just because I just saw Mariana, and Mike, I need to see. And all those other reasons... But I feel like I hurt her. And I don't even know if I had to hurt her. Because I may still have to hurt Mike. Although, he told my last night he's going to buy me a ticket if I don't get one myself. I don't know what to do. I don't know what would happen if he did that. He can't do that, but this is Mike... and he may just do it. I'm just really stressed out. And frustrated. And impatient. And scared, have I mentioned scared? I don't know what is going to happen, but either way I feel horrible right now. I just want things to work out... I want to go to Canada... please... let me go to Canada...