gone

Listening to: Krezip
Feeling: blah

Mariana is gone. And of course the mood goes down. I miss her. He's on my fucking mind again. Why the fuck did he leave me a picture of himself in a comment to me. It's not even like seeing him does something to me... it's just ... the fact that he left me a picture. What the heck does he want? Why doesn't he just let me go. Forget about me? Why do i feel like i'm being pulled by some rope. Like whenever it doesn't work out with Gretchen he'll just be close again. I'm tired of it. I really really am. I feel like not going anywhere. Not doing anything. With him. What's the point? What's been the point of the past 3 years and a half? The friendship? Fuck it. I'm very thankfull for it and all, but im tired. I just want to get over him. I wish Douglas really was attracted to me, and hitting on me and asking me out, just so i could throw it in his face. I want to say "You've lost me." "I'm gone". I want him to beg. I want him to ask me for once. Be fucking honest? I'm better looking than him. I've got more going than he does, more time. My family and friends are better. I speak 4 languages and a half. I've seen double the double of the world more than he has. I'm just Tired. I want to remember this moment. So here it is. I hate wanting to be angry at him but not being able to...

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