I have a boyfriend. Right this minute, I'm scared that I'll change. I'm scared people will start looking at me differently. Sounds weird. Everyone's done this, now it's my turn. I suppose I'm most specifically worried about her. I'm afraid what she'll think of me, or worse - I'm afraid she'll step away from me. I don't want her to. But all in all... I have him. And that is amazing. I don't really think I ever thought this was possible like it has been. It felt so normal, natural, right. But when I think (or read) back in time... I realise I had absolutely no idea... and I never knew. I need this to work. I need it to work so badly. I love him so much. I hate the question. The question everyone asks. The one that derives from "Now what?"... "Are you going to visit him?"... and everything that follows from that. It's all up to me right now and that scares me. I feel like I am going to mess everything up. I can't do that. I wish I could be in his arms again. That always made sense in my mind. I have a boyfriend.