It's all fucked up. I feel like crying. This is a mess. This is wrong. How can I have anything with him if there's this huge border between us. Will there always be something like this between me and the guy I want to be with? Am I really that spoiled? Or am I just different. Everyone's experienced in their own ways I suppose, this is mine. I know what's out there, more or less. I've never been to Africa, or Japan or Russia, or Australia or... it goes on. But I've never spent my life stuck in one place. I have an open mind. I can't accept it that he can't accept it. Why can't he see what others see? And the fucked up thing about all this is that despite that, he's still willing to come all the way here just for me. What the fuck is wrong with me. This is too hard. Things like this don't work. I don't know what to do.