Someone committed suicide in my school last night. Natalie and i were driving by the house when it happened. (ambulances were there and crap.) We didn't know it was him until school the next day. I wrote about it in my little journal thing i carry around to put thoughts into. This is what i wrote: We just found out that some kid (joe) committed suicide last night. How horrible is that? I don't even know the guy, but it's so sad. To think that someone's life is gone....even if it was just one person. All his friends, his family, everyone. It even makes me have an extreamly horrible feeling when i don't know him. He probably had a great future ahead of him. I think he was on the football team, he seemed to be really popular and well liked. Just to think he doesn't even have a future anymore. It leaves me speechless. For some reason, i can just see the funeral. All his friends standing around crying, listgening, thinking of all the memories. I'm shakin like no other now. and i'm ready to cry, i hate watching people cry, it always makes me feel like shit and makes me want to cry. I don't want to write anymore...i can't.... Ok, my hands are done shaking now. I was just sitting here thinking, what if that was one of my friends? what if i was the one crying, if i was the one at the funeral? I think that's what made me scared and my hands shake. This guy in my first hour was friends with him. He didn't find out till he got into class. To see his reaction and watch him be shocked, then gradually realize what happened and start crying...that's what else got me the most. I'm shaking again. I need to stop thinking. yeah, that's what i wrote. It's mainly just me not shutting up, but for some reason i just wanted to put it on here. I dont' see why people can't understand that life goes on and that things will eventually get better. Life can't be bad forever. I feel like shit again. I just keep thinking....what if it was one of my friends? what if it was holly or nicole? or linds or nat? or any of my friends? this is what i really don't get about god...you'd think that he would realize something is wrong and he would stop it. He would give it his all to save the life of a high school kid who has his whole life ahead of him. This world is fucked up!