so... the past 2 days have actually been...decent, i guess. okay, more than decent. i went to the movies last night with Jeffy and his boyfriend dion, and paige and chris, and jordan, and bobby, and of course, Kylie. we saw scary movie 4, it was kinda corny (then again, when aren't they?) but overall, it was good. ...having said that, i must confess that i don't even remember half the movie...lmao. but hey, YOU probably wouldn't be able to concentrate either if a beautiful girl was sitting next to you. apparently...she was distracted too...lol then, we went to red robin for dinner and saw kelli (she works there, so we visited while we ate) then, we all left at around 10 and went our seperate ways. everyone else back to sturbridge, and kylie and i to her house. so yeah, basically we stayed up until 4 in the morning talking and stuff... she told me the "kylie story", basically, i told her my life story a few nights ago (seriously, i rambled on for over 2 hours) so then it was her turn, but she decided she'd rather do that in person. so that was last night. then, i filled in the blanks of my story, and told her a little more about me...and yeah, that's pretty much how it went. we might go to 6 flags on friday, which would be cool. i can't wait to see her again... i'm slowly starting to realize, through her, just how much kim really did to me... earlier today, she tried to get me to look into her eyes, and tell her that i am beautiful, and mean it. and i couldn't...ever since kim, i doubt everything anyone tells me...because if kim can lie about everything, who's to say everyone else isn't lying too? i felt so bad today though...i think i messed up :/ she cried because of me...i've known her barely 3 weeks, and i'm already hurting her...god, i'm horrible. i asked her out last night, and she had to say no...and i feel horrible for even asking, because i knew i shouldn't, and it made her all sad... :( basically, she and i were laying on her bed, and she was all quiet, so i was like "whats wrong kylie?" and she started crying. so then i was like "omg no! dont cry! whats wrong?" and she wouldn't tell me, so i was like "kylie, whatever it is, i promise its okay" (i had a feeling it was probably about me). so then she was like "no it isn't..." and then she was like "i really like you brandi, and i really want to be with you...but i'm still not over my ex, and i really want to be over her and just like, move on, but i know i'm not ready for it...and i just feel so bad because i know kim broke your heart, and i know you're hurting, and you need someone right now to be there for you and help you pick up the pieces and forget her...and i really want to be that person...but i know i'm not ready to be just yet, and i am so afraid that you're going to feel like i'm leading you on and that i'm going to hurt you like she did...i really don't want to hurt you..." i felt so horrible that she was crying over me...but it was pretty much the sweetest thing anyones ever said to me... so yeah... she's pretty much the first person i've felt this way over since kim. but i understand that we can't be together right now...i guess if you put it bluntly, i am nearing the end of my stages of grieving over kim, and i'm at the point now where i could move on...but shes only begun to get over her "kim". and i don't want to be just a rebounder for her, and she doesn't want that either... i don't want to lose her, shes a sweetheart, she would never hurt me the way kim has, shes absolutely gorgeous, she likes me for who i am... and all of my friends that have met her already love her, which, that was a major problem i had with kim. hell, even the ones that haven't met her adore her, she's just an amazing person. and i know she wouldn't hurt me as kim has... but she's afraid she will. she isn't ready for another relationship, but at the same time, she wants to be "that person" for me...the one who saves me. she really does care about me, and she doesn't want me to hurt anymore, and she wants to be the one to reverse the damage kim left behind in me...and i want to be with her too; she deserves better treatment than she's gotten. admittedly i might not be the best person for the job...but damnit, i'll try. isn't that enough? ...I made her promise me that she wouldn't do anything she wasn't ready for, but shes so afraid she's going to hurt me. she cried because of it... I'm a horrible person :'( but hey...I think i've rambled on enough about this. sorry to go all emo on you guys. heres some pictures, maybe they'll cheer you up. this is Kylie...shes so gorgeous *jealousy* yeah, pretty much the whole *naturally* black hair/blue eyes thing is like...my type. (*naturally being the key word*) that to me is the hottest combination in a person... lol, it was funny when i told kylie about it, because we were talking about our "types" i was all "yeah, to me the hottest thing is people with naturally black hair and blue eyes...its wicked rare though" and she was like "really? i see...*cough* like me *cough cough*" and i was like "whaaaat? i thought your eyes were dark...totally was not planning that one..." lol, it was good. she was doing her little pouty face here...its not in full force because i was trying to make her laugh, but its still cute. she always beats me with that face, i hate it...lol theres me and kylie (aww, cuteness) these are our "angry" faces...cute, i know, lol i actually like this picture of me, except i kinda look bald...lol she's adorable...