i'm stuck. i knew this would start happening as soon as Stitch told me about it. this shit sucks. so basically, there's my life. which right now, kind of sucks. it could get better, it could get worse. it's a 50/50 shot there. then, there's my life that could be...which would be amazing. if it didn't make me happy then i guess i'm just really not meant to be happy. i could have everything i've ever wanted. i could make a life for myself, with a house and a nice car and a good job and somewhere down the road, a family. i have all the tools i need. i could leave right now. ...but it would come at a very high price. right about now i'd be almost willing to pay it. I'd probably regret it, but...whatever. i'm so sick of this feeling. but basically, there is someone else i've decided to include in this decision. and it's a crazy idea. i know it is. but if they decide to be included, we could both have this amazing dream come true kind of happiness. problem is, i'd have to put all my cards out on the table for that to happen. and i don't know if i can do that. especially considering the 99 percent chance i have of being shot down. i don't know that i'm ready to face the reality of it. but i can't do anything productive here until i'm 100 percent sure that it won't happen. like getting my school shit together. so i'm stuck. and on the verge of making a decision that will take me down a path that may take me away forever. and it might be the wrong one. ...but how wrong is it really, if it makes me happy in the end? i think i might be on the verge of making a very big mistake.