so i've decided i need to be honest about this somewhere at some point. so yesterday, Dave came over. we started watching a movie and got about an hour into it. Then, things started happening. we didn't have sex...but it was close. if i had wanted to, it would've happened. it just...didn't feel right. the whole time it was happening i was just waiting for it to be over. and when it was, i just wanted him to leave, so i could curl up in a corner and cry... or something. i don't know if it's because he's a boy (maybe i really don't like them) or if it's because it's Dave (but he's a really nice guy)... or if it's because i'm falling in love with jordan. none of those options are exactly appealing. ...i'd rather not be a complete lesbian, haha. i'd like to think my options are still open. but then again...some things you just can't control. and i don't want to think that it's because i just don't see Dave that way. but that makes no sense when you look at it logically. he's cute, he's nice, he can always make me laugh, my parents love him, my friends think he's perfect for me...and i know he'd do anything for me. but maybe i just don't see it...idk. stranger things have happened. some things you just can't control. ...i don't want to be in love with jordan. I don't. i know she's just going to hurt me. hell...she already has. and i can't trust her, so i'll never be able to date her...i'll constantly be wondering, constantly be worrying. and with good reason. but hey. some things you just can't control, i guess.