so i sorta miss this. i miss being able to look back and see what happened when, and being able to write everything down so i can see it and sort it out. so lets see...life. i'm a senior now. i'm 17. i have a girlfriend. at the same time...it's not working. but i don't know how to tell her this. she doesn't mean as much to me as i do to her :/ and theres a guy too, he...has a thing for me. i hung out with him and his band a couple weeks back. then, after that, our paths just...didn't cross. i think he thinks i was avoiding him, so the other day he was all "can we talk?" ...argh. it's not that i was avoiding him, i'm just SO confused right now. i'm not sure if i even like boys anymore. I'm attracted to them in the "oh he's hot, oh i'd do him" kind of way...but thats it. and even if i do still like guys, i'm not sure if i want him or not either :/ there is one person i do want...a girl. she's new at my school. i first noticed her in my literature class; she completely mystified me. after a few weeks of admiring her, i finally grew some balls...and had barry introduce us, lol. we're becoming friends though, she and i. she seems to trust me, every time we're alone together i learn something new. she has a lot to say i guess, and its wonderful, because i can't get enough of her. she completely fascinates me; i want to know anything and everything there is to know about her. in the back of my mind, i do hope someday we might be something, but even if we never are...i'm completely content with being a good friend to her, just as long as things can stay just as they are now. it just feels like we connect...i really hope i'm not the only one who feels it. anyway. i cried today for the first time in months. and in the mall, no less. ...awkward. kylie called me. i didn't think it would be so hard to talk to her, but it really was. i felt so much for her, more than i realized i guess. and she hurt me so badly, when she left me behind. and randomly she texted me a few weeks ago and told me she wanted to make things okay again...and today, she called me. it just hurt so bad. she was acting as though nothing had happened...but it DID, it did happen! maybe she can forget what she did, but I can't just "forget" how much it hurt.