so hey. i've been rather emo lately, huh? well, i suppose its better than nothing. anyway. things finally seem to be picking up a bit. i've decided that someday, i'm going to go and finally get the closure i crave. i've been wrestling with the idea ever since it came up, months ago. it probably came up around february-ish. but yeah. I think i've decided. if at all possible, i'm going to do it. i'm not sure when, i know it won't be any time soon. I'm not ready for it yet. but soon... ...i guess i'll just kinda know when the time comes. but yeah, just knowing that someday i'll find what i'm looking for eases my mind. one less thing to keep me up at night, you know? speaking of that...its midnight...haha, oops. eh well. ah yes, speaking of. i know also have the means to acheive said "closure." i got a car. i love it. barry and i named her shaniqua. she reminds us of one of those big black chicks with an attitude. "you best be moving out of my way! ohhh i know you not switching over into MY lane!" but yeah, don't ask, its us. i don't really expect anyone else to understand it. especially considering its small and metallic blue. O_o but yeah. its amazing. and its completely mine, the title is in MY name. and i'm actually proud to claim it. its a clean little car, fairly new, low miles, kick ass stereo... and windshield wipers. oh yes. its love < 333 and it fits me. like, i swear it was made for me. we think alike, haha. it was fate... so yes. that makes me happier. and school is almost over...just a few more days. it kinda scares me, but at the same time its a HUGE relief, because no matter what, for better or worse, its over in a few days. then, i've got the whole summer to get myself situated...and then, it will be senior year. :/ crazy stuff i tell ya. but yeah. i think thats it for now. i don't really have a lot to say. i guess i just wanted to say that i'm doing okay, right now. i'm hanging in there. ...you got to me. i won't lie about that. you really got to me. but it'll take much more than that to break me. and i'll be damned if i ever let anyone else get away with what you did. i deserved better.