this is going to be friends only for a while, until i can feel things out completely. right now, i think people might be looking for it. and i think it'd be best if i lay low for a while. so i'm going to trust you, my friends, to keep my words and my heart safe. please don't let me down. a diary can be a dangerous weapon in the wrong hands... okay. so i talked to big jordan today, finally (the sort of girlfriend thing) and figured out what's really going on. ...i kind of fucked up :/ but it's okay. because she fucked up too, in the past. and i gave her a second chance. so, this gave me the grounds to ask her for one. she said yes. but...i have my work cut out for me. but that's okay. i like a challange. and besides...if little jordan wants a fight, then i'll give her one HELL of a fight. i wish i could explain everything. but the whole situation is getting so fucked up that you'd have to be here to get it. here's the basics for you though, in a nutshel. once upon a time, a girl (Brandi, aka me) sees a girl (big jordan/girlfriend thing/JB from now on) in her literature class, the first day of school. now JB is very pretty, so girl developes insane crush by end of class. two weeks later, girl decides to grow some balls...and has best friend (boy) talk to JB for her (lol). girl starts talking to JB :]. so the girl develops major thing for JB. and the girl starts spending more time with her. she hangs out with JB and gets to know JB and introduces JB to "best friend" (girl/evil/JC) "best friend" decides she likes the first girl's girl (JB). trouble follows. "best friend" JC gets hurt, and blames the girl's girl (JB). so, girl (me) does what everyone should do, and puts her friend (JC) before JB, even though it hurt her greatly :[ then, "best friend" (JC) gets better...and forgives JB for what happened. and they start talking again. well, since the only reason girl (me) wasn't talking to JB was "best friend", and now "best friend" was talking to her again...girl decided to start talking to JB again too. things change. girl (me) becomes happier. spends lots of time with JB. this makes evil friend (JC) angry. so she (JC) devises a plan, which basically consists of "well, i don't really want JB...but at the same time, i don't want anyone else (me) to have her either." so, she begins her daunting task of trying to turn girl (me) against JB. it partially works. evil friend (JC) then cuts JB out of her life again. she asks girl (me) to do the same. girl promises to try, for her friend (evil/"friend"/JC). however, in the meantime, girl has become rather attached to JB and doesn't feel ready to lose her JB. she tries to back away slowly, so it doesn't hurt as much...though it still does :/ so, the girl fails to "dump" JB soon enough for "friends" (JC's) liking. "friend" (JC) tells girl that she wants nothing more to do with her (me). so of course, girl is upset. but when girl tries to fix things with "friend" (JC), "best friend" tells girl (me) that she is going to pursue a relationship with JB (mine :[) and that she (JC) doesn't really care how girl feels about that, or if she gets hurt. evil friend is TOTALLY confident that JB will side with her over girl, because she has MADE sure to scrape together enough evil things to tell JB about girl, so that JB is sure to hate girl and want to be with JC. ...HOWEVER, JC overestimates herself, becomes entirely too cocky, and has completely missed the fact that girl, in fact, has a plan of her own. and now that she knows EXACTLY what evil ex-friend JC is planning, she can (and has) put her own plan into motion. so yeah...thats my not-so-fairytale-like story so far. basically, little jordan and i are done. i found out she's been doing things behind my back that you are NEVER supposed to do to your friends. has anyone else noticed that there's kind of an unwritten code of law as far as what you can/can't/should/shouldn't do to your friends? for example: - if your friend expresses a great interest in someone, likes someone, or is dating someone (or the equilivant) you do NOT flirt with that person/mess around with that person/pursue that person. because you are not, under penalty of the code, supposed to pick a girl/boy over your friends. - no matter how angry you are at a friend/ex friend/former drunken acquaintence, you do NOT expose the secrets they told you in confidence to the world. well, except maybe in the case of the drunken acquaintence. that one's up for debate :] -if someone tells you something in confidence, you are bound to keep that secret, EXCEPT in the case of best friends. in that case, all bets are off. because if you start hiding things from your best friend because you don't trust them not to tell...then who can you trust? example: girl and girl make-out. girl asks girl (me) not to mention it to anyone, in fear of the wrong person finding out. girl (me) tells best friend (boy) because she doesn't feel the need to keep it from him. boy won't tell anyone. in that case, it's justified. but otherwise, you keep someones secrets, right? no matter how pissed off at them you are. if they ever meant anything to you, you keep those secrets out of the respect you once had for them(unless of course, they start spreading all of your secrets. then it's fair game). am i right? or do i at least have a valid point? well, apparently this code means absolutely NOTHING to jordan, as she has broken two of the three points i made. she's trying to steal the girl that i CLEARLY had interest in from the start, and she is telling that girl anything and everything she can about me in an attempt to turn this girl against me so that i will be forced out of the picture and she'll have a clear path to this girls heart. so yeah. normally, if my friend ditched me for a girl, i'd step back. because the way i see it, if my friend is stupid enough to fight with me over a girl, then they're a friend i can stand to lose. and if the other girl wants to be with that friend, then fine, i'd wish them luck and walk away. but, i found out today that jordan was doing that; telling this girl things that i told her in confidence that she would keep it to herself. so, i have officially lost all resepct for her. this means war. if she's going to start something with me then i'm going to finish it. i admit i am stubborn as all hell. i will have the last word, before it's over. and i've got some weapons that jordan doesn't know about. which means that, provided i play my cards right...i just might be able to win this. wish me luck? sorry for the confusion. it's late. i haven't slept in a week.