so i'm... i don't know. it's been a long weekend, i guess. hell, its been a long year, already. the jordans (there's 2, my "best" friend and my "girlfriend") basically dumped me for each other. ...way to boost my self esteen! idk. i'm really having a hard time with it. but i'm trying my best to be okay. i know, in reality, that jordan B. was no good for me. she plays people, she uses people, she hurts them...all three of which i've experienced at her hand. i know i'm better off without her. its just the whole getting my heart to go along with my mind. its not very willing to right now. in time i guess. in time. and i know that if jordan was willing to give up everything she's going to have to for jordan, including me...than there's nothing i can do about that except wish her luck. yeah, it hurts, and i'm losing one of my "best" friends...but, its her decision to make. i'll pull through this one. i've been through much worse. i didn't love her, at least. sure, maybe i was headed there...but i wasn't. it's my main source of comfort right now, i didn't love her, thus, i've survived worse. and i have my barry back, and jeno, and i think (i guess hope) i can rely on kim, and joe if i need him, and manda, and jens always around too, and ali. and of couse sam, and bobby, and ali little...and i know there are others who care about me. i'm lucky, to have so many friends to lean on when things get hard. i really am. i don't understand how anyone could want to give that up, for a girl who will just break your heart anyway. but hey, like i said, it wasn't my descision. i did what i could, and it failed. and i'm okay with that, because i at least know i tried. so on a lighter note... are you ready for this one? you may want to sit down. you sitting yet? maybe you should lie down... or at least put some pillows on the floor beside your chair...just in case you pass out. okay, you ready? i think i kinda have a crush on someone. it's someone i work with. they are 19, and one of my managers. ...and he's a boy. still with me? okay. i know, i know, ew. a boy. what the hell am i thinking? but you don't understand! he's a really cute boy. with big puppy dog eyes. and an amazing smile... and i think he might be hitting on me. well, barry thinks so, at least. i'm kinda afraid to believe it. but hey, doesn't hurt [much] to wonder...right? i think that's about it, really.