so tonight. i went on a...date? ish. with a boy. ...i know, i know. you're disappointed. i can honestly say i had a good time. i promised myself i'd try to, and just...avoid everything else. and i did, for the most part. there were a few times where i'd find something and trip down memory lane for a minute before i could pull myself back on course. like, in target...weird, i know. but like, jordan and i went there a few weeks ago, right before i took her to meet kylie. we had some time to kill, so we went to blackstone and hung out there, no good movies so we went to target and stuff. and we were in the housewares section, with all the pictures and decorations and dining room sets and stuff... sorry. i don't really want to finish that memory. i'd kind of like to keep it for myself, if that's okay. anyway. they're selling off all that stuff, clearance and all that. and moving shit around. ...why can't anything just stay the same, for once? anyway. i snapped out of that one pretty quickly. there were a few others, too. like, the theatre...number 7... :/ anyway. i had fun, over all. we saw Ghost Rider, it was good (YES i did watch it, thankyouverymuch.) then we drove back because everything was closing. hung out for another 1/2 hour-ish, and then i went home. he didn't kiss me. i half-hoped he would, but on the other hand, i'm glad he didn't. he makes me smile...its so rare, for me to find that. it's my favorite quality in a person, it's the reason i have the friends i do. but it's so hard to find in the people i find myself attracted to. i always seem to go for the people (girls normally) who come from sketchy pasts and who, for lack of better way to put it, need someone to take care of them [nothing against you, love < 3] and i want to be that person for them. i like taking care of the people i love. i love picking them up, and holding them, and telling them everything will be okay, and having them believe it...and having them tell me they feel safe in my arms. but...it's so emotionally draining. and i feel like i put everything of myself into it, and i don't ever seem to get much return... maybe it's time i found someone to take care of me. anyway, he makes me smile. i like that. and i never find it, but he has it. and if i have the chance to maybe have that...i don't want to screw it up, and throw it away because i'm not ready for it. you know? so. if he asks me again, i'll go out with him again. nothing absolutely has to be happening, i mean, i had fun tonight. that's all it really takes, why complicate that? nothing wrong with taking things slow. maybe that's what i've been doing wrong every other time. so...i'll try something different this time.