Amber was talking to me today...about how you can drift off into thought sometimes...and then just express an emotion without realising it. It is 1:19 now. My mum phones my dad today and there was much shouting on both sides. Apparently my dad went to greece and he couldve taken me with him for a week but he couldnt afford it. thats both sides of the story. so i was sitting here thinking about that, and about the woman id seen on the tv who had cerebalpalsy, blindness and parkinsons, and she was being so strong about it, and only one time she broke down and her husband was so caring to her, and you could tell they really loved each other no matter what they looked like or felt like, and about deviantart and how i hadnt wanted to put all my poems and stuff up there because they were kind of like another part of me apart from this diary i didnt want to share even though the poems were naive and not very good, i had written them at different points in my life, but then i almost deleted them i cant stand it because id spent so long putting them all up and making sure they were all ok and generally fussing and now i might have deleted them... and about music and how much i depend on it, and about the island of st gregory in WW2 and other things, but i didt realise i ws shaking uncontrollably...and tears were staining my cheeks, and i couldnt speak because i could feel something inside me, just such a huge feeling of complete sadness and despair, for everyone, for 3rd world and handicapped people who are so brave, and for people i know and all the shit theyve been through and it was too big a feeling for me so i just sat there shaking and choking, until i just started sobbing, and i couldnt stop and i curled up under the desk for so long...im still shaking now i can hardly type and i will have to go to bed now cause i have to be awake when amber gets home.