aah god this is playing havoc with my mind.... Okay lets start from the beginning. A few dayd ago, i had a dream. i dreamt i was goign out with him, and when i woke up, i felt weird. as in really weird. i couldnt work out how my feelings had changed, but i knew they had, and quite dramatically. It's been two days since, and im still sortof weird, but i little less confused. an hour ago i didnt know if i wanted him in that way or not. i wasnt sure if i was just trying to cling to some hope of a fantasy or whether i was just goign through a bad phase. but a funny thing happenned. until then, the only person id told about the dream was amber. and i couldnt really tell her properly cause we wer about to go to registration, and i havent talked to her properly in ages so it was like having to build up the trust again...i dotn know why...i used to tell her almost everything....and we hardly speak much anymore... but anyway i was online, and so was Ben, so i thought sod it, he dosent know iain, he dosent know much of me, so he's not really ina positions to judge, so i did. and as soon as id told him, i felt better. i felt less confused, and more certain about what i wanted. there is still some doubt but there we go anyway. but then he left, and i was talking to amber, and it dawned on me that it dosent matter whether i want him or not. Im getting my prioroties all wrong. Myabe, he dosent like me in that way. and i was sitting in the libray, and he was sittign next to me, we were having a laugh, we were joking, havign fun...but for the first time it didnt seem like he had any particuksar interest in me at all...it just seemed like he was only there because he was bored n there was no one fun outside. he dosent do any of the stuff people do when the like someone... given the choice, he rarely chooses to stay with me unless were doing something he likes....i cant think of any other things but it just dosent seem that way.... and you know, i had the best time in the world when everyone was telling me they thought he liked me.... and all i want right now is that, for people to tell em he likes me, and wrap me up in cotton wool and tell me everything will be okay, that ill have my happy ending and well go off into the sunset....but i know it's not gonna happen cause either somethings changed, or ive just started noticing he actually dosent feel that way for me... god someone stop this....its klilling me...jesus why am i so cut up about this? whats wrong with me its not as if im in love with him or anything...