It could all be lies, all of it. life, death, everything. Saw the villiage today. Turned out at the end that the "creatures" in the wood were just pretend to keep the villagers from harm, or so thats what the elders did it for. Someone ended up getting killed. What if everything im feeling, everything i see, everything i touch or taste or feel or hear is all a lie? I could just be one of the peices on a chessboard, someone controlling what i do or say or even believe... Maybe my own mother isnt even anything to do with me. She could be just an actor. Or maybe every second i live i have a different life... i only think i've lived so long because i have been given memories and forgotten everything else about my other lives. Maybe in the next second i will change to someone else, and the only reason i seem to be living so long in one life is because im just remembering what has happenned before... I havent actually been in this life for more than a second but i just think i have because im remembering thinking about this and thinking that by doing that ihave broken a fuse and now im gonna stay in this life. i dont know if i'm making any sense. Everyone i meet, the way they act around me, what i believe, the sky, the universe, maybe its just an illusion, maybe im just making it up and deceiving myself.. Maybe in reality im banged up in a padded cell, if they exist, thought of as mad because im stuck in my own little world. would it be better to face a lifetime fo pain and torture or to be mad and have a happy life in your own head? what is the ultimate reality anyway? we will never know. we will always doubt. so if this isnt the ultimate reality, maybe there is mopre? maybe stuff like magic does exist. but i cant bear to think about that because reather than knowing ill never be able to have it and accepting it, there is a possibility that i could get it somehow, but ill never know, and by the time ive even got close to figuring it out ill die. If we knew the truth we wouldnt understand anyway because it would be too big for our minds to comprehend, we just wouldnt understand it... why cant anythign be simple? why is everythuign so complicated and im stuck here and for the while this is my existence and there is nothing i can do but ask questions that have no answer, in vain. Just frustrate myself more and more because im never going to figure it out. Im stuck here trying to figure out everything on my own, but i don't know if i can keep on doing this on my own anymore... I'm tired. I havent got the energy anymore...I cant be on my own... But i am. and that isnt going to change anytime soon.