oh im so mad and i keep almost taking it out on people...there was a big mix up witht he cinema trip today i wont go into details but basically i got worried sick about amber and shed heard it wasnt gonna happen so shed gone to see jake and i didnt know where she was/couldnt contact her etc etc... and i did ahve fun with abbie n alice today but then it sounds pathetic but i got lonely... and unconfident and worried, and i havent felt so unconfident in a long time, and kept having worrying thoughts like not eating again... which shows you how long it is since ive felt so unconfident...year seven..and im in year 10 now...i just kept thinking how i must be either really ugly or have a horrible part of my personality because guys just dont go for me at all, any guy that i come accross either goes for abbie or alice or both and i know id probably just push them away if they did like me but it would be nice to know i wasnt so un attractive that no one came near me... anyway i thought id write so i dont stop with this journal... oh and by the way i think i can now say im over him. except there's this big hole where he used to be... i have nothing to fall back on, because with ihm i always felt like i had some chance, with everyone else i can just feel them slipping away as soon as i show any interest in them...anyway ill stop now before i get depressing.