Although I am doing well in school, I won't be returning in the fall. I might take a class or two in the summer. Instead, I'll be leaving for Greece to live in a monastery. It's in the middle of nowhere up on a mountain just outside of Athens. My mother has some friends who were thinking of sending their drug fiend son there, hoping he might find God. And that's who I'll be leaving with! (He's Australian!) After my mom found me bawling in the bath tub (semi clothed, empty tub) she suggested I take some "off time", as she put it. I know she is secretly hoping I find God, too. Oh, that psycho woman. I am looking forward to this because it's something new and unexpected and I really want to find my own fucking peace of mind. Without medication, without therapists, without friends, without family, and although I will miss him terribly, without Ryan. I don't want to be happy solely when he is around, I want to be content in general. I'll be gone for undetermined amount of time, but I'm hoping one/two months will be enough. - Edit, I wish I didn't feel so manic. The drop from the high is horrible. Terrifying, and yet I'm sure a part of me enjoys it. Like a roller coaster ride. I am only starting to grasp the meaning of my diagnosis. Bipolar II. I only realised the longevity of it now. This isn't a fucking phase. There's a part of me that understands, and another that thinks all this is a joke and finds humor in my situation. That part tells me to skip my dose of effexor every once and a while and replace it with codeine. I have so much to write about but don't want to read it. Don't want to think of it. Don't want to put the effort in expressing my scrambled thoughts, either. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck, I should have bought marijuana today. Motherfucker.