I only took three tokes of some really potent weed, and was gone. Which pretty much fucked up my plans for the rest of the night. I wanted to get wrecked, but instead I hid in a room for two hours. So now, I have a bottle of vodka and some speed teasing me every time I open my bag. I need to be studious today, I have a few shit due, and like everyone else, can't wait until this is all over. I went to the Tam-tams today and hung out with Spencer, discussed the usual, and generally enjoyed his company. Now, I'm alone in the condo, smelling like cleaning products (I had this urge to mop the whole house), wearing a pair of sunglasses that are obviously not necessary. They have a yellowish tint to them that makes everything look happy and pleasant. So I'll continue to wear them, and I'll continue to omit important information in my therapy sessions, and continue to nod and smile widely, and continue to pretend that if everything stays below the surface, I'll fucking survive this. I am putting some effort in thinking about what might have caused this existentialist crisis, but it just seems irrelevant to find the root of the problem right now. Mostly, it's terrifying to think of it and face it. - This is what happens when one fears to verbally release the self centered, narcissistic diarrhea that flows through the mind. Avoiding the pronoun "I", and now, my lips can leech back onto that cigarette and my mind can pretend nothing applies to me. Untouchable is something to be, bitches. hey daddy, ho daddy never will die, never will die. - And what better way to deal with all this than a fucking makeover. I want to get two microdermal diamond studs on my left boob, above my nipple. And I want more ear piercings and to start stretching the two holes on my left ear, die my hair a dark purple and get a tattoo. And on an unrelated topic, I want to have sex with everyone besides my boyfriend and want to start a fight(physical or verbal) with someone. This is the second week I've abstained from effexor. I'll never learn how to take my own advice. On several occasions, I've warned people about the importance of phasing it out, yet I stopped out of the blue, for no real reason, and now I'm obviously falling apart and fucking laughing about it, like the nutcase I am.