Well, I might have found out where my fault is. I think my problem with Dawn is that I am asking her to trust me. That isn't right, I should not ask her to trust me, in turn I should show her that I am a trustworthy person. I can give her everything she needs, love, happiness, everything. I know it will take time for her to trust me, and now time for me to get back to the same level of trust for her, but I never lost all of the trust I gave her. To an extent I feel justified in questioning things she has told me. She has admitted to lying to me in the past, and she has been quick during both break-ups to head back to the arms and the lips of another. I don't know why, I am unsure how he can mean so much to her, be someone for her to go back to, yet I am not. I am sure I can trust her, even if she is around him while we are together, I just don't know what reason I have given her to not trust me. A friend pointed out that it may be she doesn't trust herself while we are together yet apart by 300 miles and thus has no way of believing me, a guy, could be so committed to the relationship. It sounded kind of stupid, but maybe it is how she feels. I know that if it was me in that situation, I wouldn't be able to admit it, not to myself or anyone else. But she thinks I have lied to her. She thinks that my feelings for a friend are stronger than my feelings for her. But this is just a friend, nothing more. She told me there was nothing for the guy she kissed while we were apart the first time. She kissed him within a week of our breaking up, she has done it again. We have been apart for about 2 weeks, and on two different nights this same guy has held the love of my life. I don't know if she wants me, or if she ever will, but I don't understand how she can tell me he doesn't mean anything to her, that I am the one she wants (as she said when we got back together before this last break up). I don't want to be the fall back guy, the guy that will always be there for her, yet I know I will be. My heart will forever be in her possession. I cannot know how she feels for me, I cannot understand why my love for her is so strong. But I know that the ropes that tie me to her are unbreakable. I cannot experience anything new simply because all I want is in my past. I can't move forward without first regaining what I have lost. When I see a woman and think "oh, she's cute" I instantly remember how much cuter Dawn is. When I sleep at night and dream of love, Dawn is by my side. I find I might be pathetic, holding on to a dream; loving someone that might have given her heart to another. She said she needed time alone to think things out for herself, and I too think I needed time alone to think things out, but the difference is I am alone, she is not. She might not be committed, but she is dealing with the love of another, someone she once told me she loved me more than. Does she love me more than him, will she love me forever? I know I will love her, and all I can do is prove to her that I will be faithful and honest, trustworthy and caring, honorable and compassionate for every day that me and her share on this place called Earth. ~~Aaron