i have this theory that even at my personal best i am still just shy of actually achieving any sort of real victory. this theory can be applied to my social life (my best friends all have boyfriends and/or lives), my love life (alas, nonexistent), my academic life (bright kid, but she's no star), my hobbies (good dancer, but not good enough), and even my physical attributes (cute i guess, but i doubt i turn heads). i've never been number one in any aspect of my life. and that makes me sad. most people have something that they do well... not i. the closest thing to talent that i have is being flexible, but i don't think that even counts. tonight was the first night of my school's big dance extravaganshow, and it just reminds me of how hard i tried, how many tears and hours i put into it, and how, in spite of all of that, i'm still jv. one point shy of varsity. one point shy and i was dancing with a broken toe. but i guess it wasn't meant to be... after all, that would've gone against the theory. anyway, seeing the show tonight just reminded me of all the ways that i am unremarkable, and it makes me a very sad girl to think about how close i was to reaching the one goal i've ever set for myself, and then failing on my last chance. working hard does not equal success. it equals a less stellar failure, but failure is failure no matter how it's dressed. kind of like me.