emotions are weird. i want someone to love me, but then, i don't really expect anyone to love me. i'm kind of afraid of love, but i still want it. i'm kooky. i know what i want, but i'm afraid of what it'll do to me. i'm afraid of not being in control of my thoughts. i do that a lot, control my thoughts... you know, i've never been more than just me. i've never been anything spectacular in anyone's eyes. i'd like to be. but still, something in me says "you won't ever be; you're just not good enough." for all the times i've said i've embraced my loserness/coolness/horrific imperfection, i don't think i have. whoops. i think i still want someone to think i'm perfect, but i'm afraid that if i get close enough to them that they'll see through that to all the things that aren't quite right about me. i want love, but i want nothing. i want the absence of emotions, but i want every emotion. it hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time. i don't know what to do with my brain, or my heart for that matter. man, i'm screwed up... or am i????