today i was obducted by midget aliens!!! they broke my window and beamed their light at me and my body started floating towards their ship... i tried to hold on to my bedpost, but i got tired after an hour of being sucked and gave in to them... once i was on the ship, i was surrounded by more then a hundred horny male aliens (and i knew they were males cause they were hung like a HORSE)... i tried to fight them off, but i was too tired from the previous battle, that i gave in easily, plus it looked like they wanted to have some real orgy-style fun... and i haven't had sex for awhile, so i was down for anything... after the first alien, i knew i was in over my head... they were too much for me alone... i made a deal with them and i would write it down, but its a secret that if broken will bring back the aliens and all hell will break loose... that wasn't the only weird thing that happened today... i choked on a chicken bone while eatting a fried egg... i was watching TV and i got sucked into an episode of "Friends" where Phibe confessed she was a lesbian and wouldn't stop molesting me... i had to kill her and hide her body, but i got caught cause a couple cops were watching the show and knew exactly were to look for her... i got away though cause they dont know where i live... if all that wasn't crazy enough, i start hearing voices telling me to jump off the empire state building... it promised i'll live and i believed it cause the voices never steered me wrong b4... so i go to the roof of the building and without fear just jumped... half way to the ground, i hear the voice again... this time it was laughing at me and i thought it was laughing cause i had crapped in my pants from the fall... but that wasn't it... the last thing i heard b4 hitting the floor was..."APRIL FOOLS!!!"... Hell has really gotten technologically advanced... who knew working as the devils secretary wouldn't be so bad... anyway, gotta go do some work b4 he blows fire up my a$$ and thats never good...