today i had to wake up early to half run out of my dudes house cause his parents said they were coming early and even though he asked them if i could stay and they said yes, um... we just didn't want to deal with them...(im not really comfortable around them...) we got ready and were out of his house in about 3 minutes... when i got home, i went straight to sleep cause we were basically up all night... i was being the biggest tease, so no sex for him... hahaha... it was fun... well since i really dont have much to say at the moment, im gonna write down an essay i wrote for school about anger... my teacher wrote down as a comment, "u should have someone professional to talk to"... that was funny... anyway, the title of the essay is: ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Anger in me... Anger has a way of engulfing people. Sometimes you try to control your anger, but other people continue to provoke you until you finally blow-up at them. People have limits and if you keep pushing their buttons, there is a good chance they will get violent. I am not trying to justify the "psychos" in our society, but most of the time they get like that due to built up anger. I have a lot of built up anger, so when little things happen, all these different events float to my brain. A toothache reminds me of the time I decided to change my dentist because he kept flirting with me. I was around fourteen and he must have been in his sixties. The place I went to was worse though. They did not numb my teeth correctly and I felt the drill. I ended up having to go to my old dentist to have fixed what they damaged. Now I do not even go to see a dentist and I have a phobia about old men trying to touch me. When I feel like someone is threatening me, I close up and try to get away from that situation. I hate feeling or knowing something is out of my control. In my mind, I can do anything. Although this is just an illusion, it helps me live my life thinking I am safe from anything. Due to this fabrication of my imagination, I really get frustrated when things do not go the way I planned. I am not insinuating that I need to be perfect or think I am invincible. For my sanity, I need to know I am in control of my life. My biggest phobia is not being able to move. Whether it be because I am paralyzed or tied up. I hate being held down by anyone, even a friend or a lover. It makes me think they will physically hurt me. It really scares me if I can not move to protect myself. Anger is a dangerous feeling that causes people to do irrational things. In the heat of the moment, many things can happen that you might regret later on. When I am angry, my chest feels tight and my breathing is thick. I try to control my actions, but end up hurling a glass cup at someones face or ripping up pictures. There are ways that keep me from commiting worse offenses. If someone is yelling at me, I go into a dream realm. Outside it seems like I am listening, but in reality I am imagining that person in disturbing situations. As long as I am not physically commiting these atrocities, I see nothing wrong with my imagination. I have nothing to worry about as long as I know they can only be daydreams. Other ways I control my anger is by putting on music and screaming the lyrics. I jump around in a kind of dance until exhausion kicks in. If the situation is emotionally draining, I will lay down on my side, knees up to my chest and cry holding myself. It is said that talking to someone about whats bothering you will help, but in my situation this is untrue. Talking about my hidden demons only resurfaces my anger and makes me feel violated. I try not to get so angry all the time, but when I am provoked, I strike back. Most of the time I shrug off what is getting to me, but I can not do that all the time. I must vent out once in awhile. Acting as if I am happy is much more dangerous because you could "snap" at any moment. Nobody wants to end up in jail for life because someone took their seat in class and they reacted by beating that person to death with another chair, wondering "What am I doing?" Arguing a little will keep you emotionally stable and out of serious trouble. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ well? what do ya think? i would have put in words like "pissed-off" and "f@#k all those bastards", but it was for school, so i had to keep it "PROPER"...