i dont know why all of a sudden everything feels like its coming to an end... i quit my job because i just felt like it at the moment and then i get an interview to some place today, i go, i get hired on the spot, but it just doesn't feel right... it doesn't feel like i should be there, so i call at 1am(40 minutes ago) and i leave a message telling the dude that hired me that i can't work for him... i say that at the moment im not interested in the position and that i agreed to work there because i wasn't thinking... i said some other stuff and apologized... i dont know why i did that... i just want to disappear... maybe i should leave to jersey with my older sister or something... i've been thinking too much of dying and i just need to relax and start over in a different environment... i dont know what else to do, i just need some time to think... i need to leave... i dont know what else to do... im tired of faking happiness for the sake of keeping everybody else happy... i want to feel the real thing... its like im going through some type of "mid-life" crisis, but im only 20... i dont know what to think, feel, or whats real anymore...