god i hate this diary sometimes- it just deleted two really long entries i worked hard on. fuckers. anyways,...so last night jess and i stayed up till three talking about everything, alot about joe though. after i told her everythign she looked at me and said" you have no idea how lucky you are to have someone like joe" and i thought about that alot- and i knew it allready. i really am so happy to be with joe- or whatever the hell we are being. omg, im so excited for my date tonight with him its crazy. im really nervous but my mind is open so it wont be so bad. after i talked to jess last night i was telling her about all the things i think about, and she gave me a notebook to write all my random thoughts down in and what i think about. the funny thing is that ive never realized how much i think, until now, i just thought it was normal. i was talking to katie the other day and i was telling her what i was thinking about to her and she said" wow- everytime i talk to you jackie i learn something" it made me feel really good. joe is going to give me a letter describing all the things that he loves about me and im so excited to see what it says because i know hes not used to telling people how he feels. i wrote a letter to him too but im not sure im going to give it to him, because it really says nothing important, i was just thinking about him and i was so flustered that i just had to write to him. i cant wait to get over this shitty wierdness thats beween us, and even though the wierdness is still there i know that joe and i have stronger a relationship than others, i just cant wait to get to the point where you love eachother so much that you dont have to say anything because the person you think about so much is standing right in front of you. you love eachother so much that silence is just yet another thing you can share. i cant wait till we are lovey dovey (lol) and can cuddle and hold eachother. im really so excited about it. i know we are going to be so great together. im so happy that ive found joe- (i feel like im talking about finding god- haha if you replace all the joes i say with god its really really funny) i just feel so happy, just to know that someone loves you no matter what happens. its a really good feeling. ive talked to alot of people about dates and gotten advice, but when you think about it- its what yo do that counts. whatever happens is because of your doing- its all up to you, thats what scares me, but what gets me mad is that i have the power to change this shitty wierdness we have and yet i havent. i know if i was looking at this diary before anything had happened between joe or even andrew i would be saying" what the hell are you waiting for?" but the thing is im not waiting for anything, i just want to be loved and i am. i guess im waiting for the love to be expressed in other ways- not just those ways you sickos! even though that sounds appealing. i had so much fun with my friends last night- but in the back of my mind i was thinking about what joe is doing right now, what is he thinking about? is he thinking about me ? i guess, like usher says,.."i got it bad",..omg that was so corny. haha anyways, i love you joe!