If I had a week, I couldn't list all the things wrong with your arguments.

I really want to like him--this is so stupid, because there is not one situation in which I am seized with anxiety like this. And how do you explain that to a person? "Nothing bad has ever happened to me, I'm just really fucking terrified you want to kiss me"?

That doesn't even make sense.

Maybe he'll get it, maybe he won't, I'm not too broken up about it either way I suppose.

Maybe I'm just gay and haven't figured it out yet. How are you supposed to know if you're a lesbian if you've literally never interacted with another lesbian face to face? Like, what if the r eason I'm scared of kissing is because I'd way rather kiss ladies, but I've never had the chance?

I might be down with kissing ladies. How am I supposed to know? Can you date like that--hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but I want to know if I'm gay, so kiss me maybe. That would go over well, I'm sure.

Not that it matters, I guess, because I will probably end up alone, because in the words of the immortal Gaga:

Some women choose to follow men, and some women choose to follow their dreams. If you're wondering which way to go, remember that your career will never wake up and tell you that it doesn't love you anymore.

so, you know. If I can find someone who wants to marry me even though I want to have a job where literally all my time is spent travelling and where I'll never really have the chance to take the year off to have kids then--they're a keeper.

I guess I just forgot what a panic attack feels like because I only seem to have it over stupid shit like dating and riding a scooter. Count your blessings and all.

I really wish I could figure out how to go to bed on time, because I never do, and I end up spending all my time exhausted, never getting anything done, staying up late to try and accomplish something and then being too tired to do anything and somehow ending up in bed at 2 AM regardless.

You know it's okay if you don't want to write with me, or if you don't have to time. You don't have to feel like you have to let me down gently, I really wish you would just say it. Sometimes it feels like you don't tell me things, and, I dunno. Like, I get it.

I dunno. 2 AM again.

I really missed SitD. I don't know what it is about it, but nothing else feels quite as good to write in. Which is silly, because it's just words in a box, but there it is. I'm apparently not the only one that feels like this.

~Katie