so then

so then so then

i don't know

here's the thing it's that i know i have crushes on people all the time, but i don't necessarily want them. i want the idea of them, i want this idea of a life i want the thought, the daydream, the imagination, but i don't want the reality of them and that's fine. i can deal with that, i can handle that i've always handled that (just not always well)

but does anybody want the idea of me

is the thing

does anybody ever look at me from across the room, does anybody ever look at me and think

does anybody ever just

consider

i just want to know that somebody considers

and that's so juvenile and i don't even think i want to date anyone i don't think i want to have sex i don't think i want a traditional relationship but then what if there is a relationship out there for me

i don't know. it's stupid. i don't want to date anyone but i want someone to want to date me and that is a stupid hangup.

i'm happy by myself, i'm happy in my own space doing my own thing.

i don't know where i was going with this. i guess i'm just lonely sometimes. but not really (but a little).

but i know i'd rather be lonely by myself than lonely with someone else. so i've got that going for me at least.