suddenly i'm in a very thoughtful mood. i just read my email that's been piling up for 2 weeks. happily, i was able to respond to the HOT alex camp boy's email, so now i might actually maintain contact with him outside of camp. i also read a bunch of emails from nicole, and i read her diary. she talked about me in her diary, and apparantly it created problems with one of her friends. that makes me really sad. i miss her sooo much. i really wish i could go to school with her - she made everything fun. i can't wait till next week when LOTR comes out and we're gonna have a PARTAY! but until then, i need to talk to her. a looooootta crap went down at the evanescence concert i went to last week. i don't even like evanescence, but it was free, so i went. half of me really regrets going, half of me thinks that it was a good life experience. but that's just a bunch of horse crap to try and justify what i did. i don't know. i told a few people about it, and most of them are proud of me, which i think is sick. i need to talk to someone who knows where i'm coming from, like nicole, but i'm not allowed to use the phone and everybody else is too busy to call. argggggggggg..... just as an afterthought, i'll end today's entry with a moment of musical inspiration: When I was young, the smallest trick of light, Could catch my eye, Then life was new and every new day, I thought that I could fly. I believed in what I hoped for, And I hoped for things unseen, I had wings and dreams could soar, I just don't feel like flying anymore. When the stars threw down their spears, Watered Heaven with their tears, Before words were spoken, Before eternity. Dear Father, I need you, Your strength my heart to mend. I want to fly higher, Every new day again. When I was small, the furthest I could reach, Was not so high, Then I thought the world was so much smaller, Feeling that I could fly. Through distant deeps and skies, Behind infinity, Below the face of Heaven, He stoops to create me. Dear Father, I need you, Your strength my heart to mend. I want to fly higher, Every new day again. Man versus himself. Man versus machine. Man versus the world. Mankind versus me. The struggles go on, The wisdom I lack, The burdens keep pilling Up on my back. So hard to breathe, To take the next step. The mountain is high, I wait in the depths. Yearning for grace, And hoping for peace. Dear God... Increase. Healing hands of God have mercy on our unclean souls once again. Jesus Christ, light of the world burning bright within our hearts forever. Freedom means love without condition, without a beginning or an end. Here's my heart, let it be forever Your's, Only You can make every new day seem so new. --Every New Day by Five Iron Frenzy (who else?)