i went camping this weekend; yes, i still am in girl scouts because i'm a dork. it was okay - but char and susan were annoying the hell out of me, and amy didn't like heather, and courtney and jenny think that i'm wierd. but what i was thinking about the entire time was nick. i was not sure whether or not this whole not dating thing is worth not having nick. i miss him so much - he is the only person who i can really call a friend. but i know that i have to trust God's timing for everything in my life, and let His wisdom be my guide. i just don't know how i can explain that to my friends - anyone who doesn't believe in God or have a relationship with him would never be able to understand that. but then, i think that i really don't care what they think - i'm doing this for me, not for them. but there's still the issue of nick. i miss him, but i know that the "love" i have for him is not complete, not true - therefore, not worth it. he deserves better than the self-serving infatuation i had. however, i am reminded of how very alone i am. this has never been more apparant to me than tonight. i've lost my friendship with nick, i never see amy, and all my other friends aren't really friends anymore. i'm in a completely different world than the people i used to call friends. whitney and lauren and i went out for ice cream after the play, and they talked about were things that i knew nothing about. i got really angry, because i knew that we'd never be the way we were before. we'll never be good friends, because we have become such different people. it makes me want to cry.