it's christmas. falalalala. my dad is going insane, as usual. i've stopped putting up with his shit. he needs to fucking grow up. he's a grown man, and can't cope with the fucking trash can being open. maybe i shouldn't blow up at him like i do, but i've been living with his irrational rage all my life, and i'm sick of it. at the first sign of him being angry, i start shouting profane words at him and don't give him the chance to bitch at me. so far, it seems to be working, but i feel really guilty. we didn't have a relationship to begin with, and this probably isn't helping, but for 17 years he's had a chance to grow up, and it hasn't happened, so i've given up. after saying that i realize one big mistake. i didn't pray about this at all. but i feel like, why bother? he's not going to change, and it's easier to just be angry at him than try to fix it. everytime i think i want to make amends, something like this rolls around and all i feel is anger.