*valley girl moment* oh. my. gawd. grrrrrrr. and grrrr again. i don't know what's happening. apparantly, this entire time i've been depressed and sad, he's been depressed and sad as well. or at least missing me. i don't really think he's capable of changing his flirt-with-everything-that-has-boobs-be-all-stupid-and-charismatic ways. but he's complaining that i'm being a beotch to him. ha. that's a joke. he's such and idiot. and he's saying that he's "falling in love with me." goodness. people do not fall in love with me. they do NOT. i'm just not a falling-in-love-worthy person. ESPECIALLY not at 16, for the love of pete. i HATE the sappy-melodramatic "love" crap that everyone is carrying on about. we're children, alright people? it is NOT "true love" - it's hormones. believe me. it is. until you are old enough to know how to pay taxes and support yourself, you do not know what "love" is. sigh. i'm so cynical. or blatantly honest. either one. but i do like him. or i did. at this point, however, that's kind of a moot point. i'm sick of this whole dating thing. i'm done with it. since we ARE too young to know about love, i don't really want to waste my time on anything BUT love. and what's the point of dating? one of two things: 1) feel loved and have sex 2) feel loved and get married and i am not going to have sex until i get married, so dating seems a bit pointless to me. wanting to feel loved is so incredibly selfish. love is about giving, not getting. i don't want to be in a situation where it's more important that i feel loved, not love. i don't want to waste my time and affection if the relationship is not going anywhere. if i could have sex, that's different. sex would be the biggest thing in the relationship. but since i want real love, and the biggest expression of love is forsaking all others and devoting your life to one person, there's no point in me being in a relationship unless there is the possibility of marriage. and i don't want to get married for a looong loong time. nicholas thinks that it will be really hard for me not to date anyone. but i think he's wrong. i am a very unique and strange person, and i'm attracted to very unique qualities. namely, a strong faith in God. i don't know about anyone else, but there are very few people i know who are of a suitable age for me that have any sort of semblance of a faith in God. and there are very few people i know who want someone who has a strong faith in God. so, if i eliminate everyone who does not fit that requirement, it's likely that i will be alone for a very very long time. so i'm not worried that not dating will be a problem. i'm really not worried about anything at the moment. well, that's a lie. i'm worried about what to do with him. what do i do with him? even if i changed my mind and decided to date him again, what then? we'd just break up and go our separate ways. and frankly, that would hurt too much to be just an ex-girlfriend in the back of his memory. like i am now. i'd like to be friends with him. but i don't think that is likely to happen. or maybe it is. i'm really not sure. he said "the ball is in your court." what am i supposed to do with that? i'm not good at taking the lead in a relationship. and apparantly neither is he. another reason why we shouldn't date. oh goodness. time for hw.