last night i had a very disturbing dream. i dreamt that nick had cheated on me with margaret, that they had a mad makeout session which walked in on. and then they acted like it was nothing. and i was sobbing, and everyone was yelling at me for being so sad and treating me like crap. and then nick turned into ben, who just acted like a complete ass to me. I was horrible disturbed, and I woke up and couldn’t get back to sleep. I’m having a very strange day. The littlest things send me off on a spiral of self-pity and sorrow. I think the fact that I’ve been reading all this literature about vampires has not just a little to do with it. Today, Kevin mentioned a journal that is kept between himself and zach and alex. And for some reason I felt a pang of jealousy and longing, because I wasn’t included in it. I never know what’s going on with Kevin. Or alex. Or zach. I feel like I’m a failure to all my friends. All of my old good friends are distant and too busy to spend time with me. And all of my other friends are too insane and are not helping me to get any better. And then with all of this crap my new friends are getting pushed aside. I really have to stop. I need a while to shut myself off from everything and get everything figured out. I think I’m getting more attached to nick than I should. I have no intention of marrying him, so loving him so very much isn’t good for anybody. i put too much of my identity in other people. that's more than just a small problem