I CAN'T IMAGINE WHAT IT WILL BE LIKE WHEN I'M OUT OF HIGH SCHOOL. alright that's better. i'd rather have all lower-case letteers and look like a slob than all upper-case letters and seem angry and hateful of the world. I'm not angry at the world - but sometimes i am at life. being angry at life is much better than being angry at the world. the world is full of millions of strangers, innocent and harmless ot my situation. life, however, is different for each person, so while one person may have a perfect life of fancy cars and eating out every day, others are confused, lost and terrified of the future that life brings them. life is subjective, so it is safe to hate. i'm reading Bridget Jones's Diary. I have read rave reviews of it, and the quotes on th back cover are very complimentary. but i just can't seem to get into it. While some of the writing is insanely clever and full of phrases and words taht spark my interest, i just can't relate to a thirty-something (i hate that phrase) singleton in britain worried about her sex life and weight-gain. i stopped worrying about weight-gain ages ago, and don't have sex, so i dont fret over it. oh well. maybe in a few decades i'll enjoy it much more. i can't think of what life will be like at 30. i have an idea of college life - it will be new and fun, yet patronizing and demeaning. it's a 12-step program for independence. they start you off in kindergarten/preschool, where you are completely dependent on your family and/or authority figures. then comes elementary, middle, and high school, gradually forcing you out on your own until you are allowed to attempt to do your own laundry and taxes. scary stuff. ok. kindergarten is like a preview of what school will be like for the next 12 years, only with bright colors and more play-doh. (notice i say more) next, first through third grade progressively pile on more and more work, as well as more tests that supposedly measure your development and/or intelligenc. i don't know why they stop following this so closely after elementary school, as your development and intelligence comes into bloom mostly in later years. it is also challenged and damaged more often, due to hormones, outside mind-altering drugs and the basic day-to-day dangers we all face. anyway, middle school is the place when you first taste the intense pressures society places on you to fit in and whatnot. luckily, many of us rebel and decide to enjoy life and be ourselves at whatever the cost, and reject society's pressure to conform. REBEL! then high school comes. the height of your alleged potential comes at a time when peer pressure and misery tries to ensnare you and drugs & alcohol are more readily available than ever before, not to mention the emotional hell that is the high school romance. and in jumping through all the hoops that shove you through and do all the crap loads of work they lay on you, you realize that basically everything you're learning you already knew, but now you're held accountable for knowing it. by high school, you're either too daunted by life to care, or you care to the point of insanity and you think that your entire future hangs in the balance when worrying about what you got on your last Japanese Kanji quiz. i vary between the two, leaning more heavily on the slacker attitude. andyway, high school performance is recorded and sumbitted to any places of higher education that you might want to attend. if you are lucky enough to do well in high school, and you are lucky enough to do well in high school, and you are lucky enough to be accepted into the university of your choice, an entire new stage of life ensues. you're on the step three of the proverbial nicoderm cq patch system, or whatever you call it. they say that college is when you're you're first given all the "responsibility" of running your own life. HAHA! it's really just a test to see what you are made of, so that nay straggling slackers not cut down in the cruel college-admissions process are now disposed of in the proper manner due to failing grades or illegal activites. finally, those still alive and kicking are set free upon the world after many years of hard work. college graduates are now ready to take part in the capitalist world. wee. ok enough rambling. what the crap am i talking about? nothing of substance, that's for sure.