alrighty. yesterday, i somehow found myself at chris's party. chris is great, and we need to "hang out" more as you young people say it, but i would not have gone if i didn't know that alex was going to be there. i don't know why that was. i. don't. know. i wasn't even expecting to talk to him, but simply just seeing him makes my day better. i feel happier when i know he's around. even though most of the time he's contentious and insulting. well, he has his moments. such as yesterday. when i got there, a bunch o' people were in chris's basement playing DDR. HA! oh goodness. DDR. and chris said that he actually listens to the soundtrack from the game. geez. that just makes me sad. anyhow, i sat down on the couch, feeling very akward, since kev and char were cuddling to one side of me, becky and some guy were cuddling on the other, and this russian guy who i don't know was doing the little techno-step dance thing. i was just sitting there trying to fuse into the dead-cow couch when guess who! stuck his wet, bathing-suited body through the door. joy. he was screaming at the russian (and the rest of the posse i assume, even though they were obviouly not listening) to get his a$$ in the pool. he said that i didn't have to, of course, because i had just gotten there. pool? what? no one had told me of this. so, we sat for a while, then everyone started changing (in different rooms, get yo mind out of the gutter!). i got to wear becky's suit, which was just about to fall off of me, and since i'm not quite so vuluptuous as she is, it looked baggy. a baggy purple bathing suit. i looked HOT, i'm sure. i sat in the hot tub with angelica for a while. then i somehow got dragged into the pool which felt like freaking january in antarctica. of course i started fighting with zach. i should learn by now that i'm half the size and a quarter the strength of the guy, but no, i keep on trying to take him down. he was splashing me and dunking me and pretty much trying to drown me. then i wouldn't get on chris's shoulders to chicken fight, so he started throwing me around too (the traitor!). and of course, wherever there is diana being harassed by zach, there is alex. he, chris, and zach kept dunking me and flipping me and throwing me around. according to alex, it was payback for 3 months of bitchiness. ouch. thanks, that's sweet. and apparantly, because i got pissed off at him for throwing me about the pool, i was being a bitch. rrriiiiiggghhhtttt. i got very very angry with him and shouted to chris to throw him in the pool. of course, he's a traitor, so he didn't. but then, alex threw himself in, so that was nice. my clothes got wet b/c they were right next to the pool, and i got to walk around the rest of the time in wet jeans. yay. so the party raged on, with more banter between me and alex, more poking zach, and more DDR. then it was pizza time! people were in a frenzy to go find food. alex told me that he wanted to talk to me. great. so we went up to chris's room, played with his nice collection of swords, and watched char and kev going into his parent's room (oohlala) (for the record, i'm told that nothing happened). alex wanted to know why i was still being hostile after our previous convo. excuse me? was this the same guy who nearly drowned me not half an hour prior to that, the same one who takes every opportunity to call me stupid, the same one who was at that moment brandishing a sword at me? needless to say, i was a bit peeved. i bitched at him, then he bitched at me, and then somehow i got into how he ignored me when we were dating. he said it was because he had no time. i would've been understanding of that, had he not ignored me during the few times i knew he was free, flirt with everything with boobs, and go off and start new conversations with other people (girls specifically - but i'm not jealous, noooooo) whenever i tried to talk to him. i told him that, and how i thought it wasn't as much not having enough time for me as it was not wanting to spend time with me. why would he be dating me if he didn't want to spend time with me? he asked. some people i know have boy/girlfriends simply because they like having one, not because they like the person. i honestly didn't know him well enough to tell which it was. he said that he was sorry he hurt me, that he didn't mean to. of course you didn't mean to, i said. i told him i was sorry for being so mean to him. then we hugged. i asked him what he wanted to do. he said we could try being friends. i said ok. i'd want to do anything where i would get to spend time with him (is that proper english?). he looked down and got very quiet. he said he'd have more time for a friend. he looked at my hand holding his. he said i was even holding it differently, more like a friend(that reminded me of nick. eh.). but it was very sweet and endearing. i couldn't stop staring at his eyes (i'm finally getting over my anxiousness when people look me in the eye). he has the most intoxicating dark brown eyes. and beautiful shoulders. and arms. and black hair. and smile. especially the smile. he's on the whole just plain gorgeous. *swoon* anyway, when he looked up, he kissed me. WELL. didn't see THAT one coming. it honestly was a huge surprise. 24 hours earlier, we weren't speaking to each other. then we were not only talking, but kissing? oh well. so then we just kissed, and kissed some more. when the pizza got there, we went down to hoard some before it was all gone. i would have been analyzing what had just happened, but i just stopped caring. i went with zach when he took alex home. he was, of course, being belligerent, but it had an air of sweetness to it, if such a thing is possible. he offered that i come home with him, but alas, i had no ride to get back to my home, so i declined. on the ride home, zach was getting far too fresh. it was akward. i just yelled at him, and he backed off. whatev. chris the psuedo-traitor protected me when we went back to his house. then i just hung out with the russians and becky's person and kev. talking with kev is always good for me. i told him what happened with alejandro. he asked if it was ok with me that we would just be friends. i said it would be fine. he just doesn't want me to get hurt. awwwww. i don't think that's going to happen. the boy doesn't affect me the way he used to. i just don't know what's to happen now. everytime someone calls, a piece of me hopes it'll be him, even though i know it won't be. it'll probably be what i supposed earlier, that we won't really see each other at all during the summer. or next year. he'll go off with one of his many admirers, and i'll just go and play golf. the best part is that i'm not sad about it. whatever happens, i'm tired of worrying about what he's thinking or feeling. i'm tired of him, actually. it's just getting really old. time for something else. or just time for him to be done. that makes sense only to me.