I have had many questions enter my mind as the weeks go by. Questions which seem to have no answer. These questions which haunt me while I sleep at night, and wake me up in the mornings, only to have me find that I am alone. Completely and utterly alone. Not in the sense of God, but more of in the sense of someone to hold on to. Of course I have my friends; some I'm not so sure if they even want to be friends with me anymore from the lack of communication, but what I mean is someone to hold me. Someone to love me and just want to be with me for as long as God will let them. The questions start out very simply. Why, what happened, How, When, and many additional questions that can't even be spoken! There are no such words to speak because they are from the heart. And no one can understand what the heart is trying to say. You can only experience it or feel it. I don't know why things happen to me, or what the outcome will be. All I know right now, at this very moment, is that I want everything back the way it was five weeks ago. Where I was happy, and I had someone to hold me and tell me that he loves me. But the depressing and repulsive fact is, is that I can't ever have that again. Not for a very long time at least. But I want it. I want is so bad. I wish that I could describe the feelings that creep up into my heart. The ones without faces, and just take them by the hand and lead them to my eyes, so I might, even for just a second, see what they look like and what they have in store for me. I want to take there faces in my hands and confront them as if they were truly human and talk to them. I would beg them to describe themselves if I had the chance. I would give anything to just to hear them speak and tell me where they are going and what I'm going to do with them. I want to know who will be there for me. I just want to know that there is that one guy who will look at me like I was the queen of the world, and who will treat me like a queen. Who will love me with all he has, and who will only want to be with me, and only me, for eternity! Someone who will tell me, "I love you. I would never hurt you." And truly mean it! And for some odd reason, I actually believe that he's out there. That there is that one guy who will give me what I need, and who I will give him all he needs. Someone who just accepts me for me and who doesn't expect anything more from me than what I've got to give................. I just hope my feelings are right. I would give anything to have everything back the way it was, but I'm just going to have to let it go. No matter how hard it is. I just have to put it in my box of things to forget. But, that sad thing is..............I don't want to forget. But I'll only get hurt more, so I'm forced to forget. What a sad thing. But I'll continue to find things to put in my "things to forget" box. The yellow one sitting on my shelf. It's a box especially for him, so I can forget. And I will continue to find things that remind me of him, and the box will fill up more and more until there is no more room left. Then maybe my heart will feel that there is no more room left to keep his memory in it, and then maybe it will be gone completely. I can only hope. I don't want it to hurt anymore. ~Britney Francis~